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Teenager refuses to help in house

2 replies

Frankster81 · 16/08/2024 19:40

I am a man who bought a brand new house 3 years ago. I invited my girlfriend and her two teenage girls to move in with me (they are now almost 16 and 18). Me and my girlfriend work a lot and both girls go to school (soon to college). I have a good relationship with the youngest one and used to have a great relationship with the oldest one and I have done my best to act as a dad as their father is an alcoholic domestic abuser (they hardly speak to him). I have asked them to help out in the house, they do their own laundry once per month and the youngest one empties the dish washer occasionally. The issue I have is with the oldest one who has a fiery temper, I need to constantly tidy after her and we often argue. I almost lost my job recently because I was on a call with a customer and she was playing the music loudly, I asker to turn it down and she started arguing and my customer could hear the whole thing, it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever gone through. The house was brand new and her bedroom is an absolute dumpster, there is mould on the ceiling, the new carpet is totally ruined with makeup and the walls are also covered in make-up. I have asked her to open the windows blinds as they are constantly closed and she does it for a day and stops doing it. I also constantly clean after her in living room and kitchen (breadcrumbs, curry sauce marks on sofa) and even though I told her to stop eating curry in the living room she keeps doing it. She does absolutely nothing, she would never clean after herself or empty the bin or dishwasher. All she does is her laundry and washer HER plate after eating. The constant arguments have caused me to have panic attacks and her mum takes her side no matter what and will say I overreact and that she will speak to her. Needless to say this doesnt change anything. I work to give them the best life possible (2 holidays per years, weekends away, clothes etc) and I feel like I should get some respect but I get nothing back from her. This puts a lot of pressure on my relationship with my girlfriend even though we get on great. I have reached a point where I just want her to leave my house when she is 18 at the end of this year but my girlfriend said I cannot do that. I feel trapped in my own house and I feel I am not allowed to speak. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
PolaroidPrincess · 17/08/2024 00:07

I can understand your frustration. It sounds as though she's been through a lot though. Is she still in Therapy? If not, could you talk to her DM about sourcing some for her?

What are her plans for education and work?

Could the problems like her window not being opened be resolved by simply opening it for a while when she's out of the house?

teaandkittehs · 20/08/2024 15:59

I'm a bit of a cow so I would probably go on strike as regards cleaning up after her in order to show her mum what a pig her daughter is! I realise that damages you too as you have to watch your house and possessions descend into a curry covered mess but it may make a point in the end, and Vanish upholstery cleaner can do a lot! Or charge the girl for having the sofa cleaned, or her carpet, or if you are able (sounds like maybe not as your girlfriend won't support you in it) take away something until she does her bit, usually a device, phone or X box. Taking away is the new hitting! (80s child here, please forgive me for the joke, I never have or will hit my child)

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