90% of the time my 4 year old is a delight, he’s kind, funny and very happy. Friends and family comment on what a nice boy he is, and how happy he seems.
Whilst we’ve had bad days and the odd meltdown, we’ve never had anything very significant, no terrible twos etc. However in the last few months we’ve been seeing a significant increase in the severity of these occasional meltdowns. They happen for very little reason a lot of the time, one thing he does happily one day, the next day will start the meltdown from hell.
When he does meltdown, he’ll start screaming at the top of his voice, to the point I think it must be painful for him, he has tried to hit me and his dad, he runs away from me (or if we’re at home he’ll run around the house jumping and throwing himself into walls), he’ll throw things, he’ll become hysterical, and worst of all, he’s occasionally started harming himself, the other day he bit his leg so hard he bruised it. He has hit himself repeatedly in the head too.
This has happened a handful of times so far. But it’s really concerning me. In every other aspect he’s such a happy child, he’s never around any violence or even shouting, our house is calm and respectful, we don’t raise our voices and we talk about feelings and emotions, and he doesn’t go anywhere else where he’d see any kind of negative behaviour/harm. Nursery say he’s very popular and he’s exceeded almost every developmental milestone. However they have recently seen firsthand one of these meltdowns and I think they were also shocked.
My initial reaction to these meltdowns is to calmly explain to him why he needs to do whatever it is he needs to do, and I gently try encourage him to calm down, but often he seems like he just is in a different world almost. I’ve tried ‘ignoring’ for the most part, and it still escalates to the point it cannot be ignored.
We’ve spoke about his behaviour and how he needs to be kind to his body, respectful of others etc and explain to others that he’s feeling angry so we can help, and we’re talking about ‘sensory toys’ that may help him regulate, but I’m concerned he’ll see this as a bit of a reward in a way. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice? I just don’t know where this behaviour has come from.