Help Help Help - Seperation round corner

[sunshine17]

Can anyone out there help me with this situation? Have you had anything similar that you can relate to or help me find a way through?

My DD is 15 months old, up until last month she was in a good little routine - had one decent nap in the day - went to bed between 7.00 - 7.30pm and woke up between 6.00 - 6.45am ish.

Then on Good Friday she got very ill with the rota virus - it lasted 10 full days because she had such a big dose of it (according to the pathology results at the lab). Her routine of course went out of the window - sometimes she needed changing up to 3 times during the night because it was so bad it would just run through her clothes and every hour in the day.

It finally ended and she quickly seemed to get back into her routine - we had 3 days of 'normal' - then unbelievably because she was so run down she caught a really nasty cold/cough - back to square one - she couldn't sleep, eat, breathe properly - doctor prescribed anti Bio's for upper respiratory infection (which she finished on yesterday)

To cut a long story short we are in a situation where she wakes up at 4.30am and won't go back to sleep - she is like a wild thing - I've tried a bottle, sitting/holding her (almost impossible, hair pulling, biting, scratching). Eventually at around 6ish I can't physically do anymore so I put her in the car and she falls asleep for an hour - wrong I know but the alternative is sitting in front of Cbeebies.

My husband won't take a turn and somehow blames me for her not sleeping / being ill.

She is such a happy child normally and goes to bed with no problem.

I'm on the brink of exhaustion because I start work at 9am and am 6 months pregnant.

What do I do to break this? Anyone else been here and the baby just went back to routine by themselves.

Previously she had a few weeks of early waking which I managed to stop just by letting her cry for a couple of minutes rather than rushing in (which is what my husband had made me do) - if I went in too early I was in there for 2 hrs trying to calm her down - but by letting her cry for a few mins (maybe 5 max) sorted it out in 3/4 days and she started sleeping through till after 6 again. This time is different as she is standing up in her cot and throws her teddy comforter out which she will not sleep without so there is no avoiding going in.

If I go in replace the teddy and come out again she is hysterical - throwing herself about with no regard to injury etc.

Sorry I'm rambling because feels like there is loads more to say, basically my DH and I are on the point of me moving out because of his complete and utter lack of support - and I've tried to compose this mail in my head in the early hours many times - I'm sitting at my desk at work barely able to see straight through tiredness. Please help if you can.

.... Sorry just wanted to add - is this something I should talk to the HV about?

So sorry to hear about your situation sunshine. It sounds really horrible.

I don't have any great pears of wisdom I'm afraid but I really didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Firstly I think you should definitely go and talk to your health visitor. Even if she doesn't have the answer it is still worth a shot.

I have sympathy as my 8 month old DD is waking at 5.30 every morning. Not as bad, I know - but I work until 11.30 at night so by the end of the day I am a complete ghost.

I think when children have been ill it can take them a long time to get over it - even when they appear physically better I think there can still be behavioural 'hangover' from the illness that can last several weeks. So this may be something that gets better with time (not that that's much help, I know).

Would you be able to talk to your husband calmly one night when your DD is asleep to explain to him how you feel. I'm much better able to deal with sleeplessness as my DH is a real star and does more than his fair share of the early wake ups. I think its really important that he understands how desperate you feel about this - your child has TWO parents, not just one, after all.

Hopefully someone will come on soon who has got some better advice than me.

HOpe that helps just a little bit!

all the best

that was supposed to read pearls of wisdom.

Sleep deprivation - huh!

Thank you for your post. I was starting to despair that no-one even wanted to reply.

I'm so sad about the whole thing as it's effected everypart of our lives - I just want my little one to be happy and healthy.

I have tried to talk to him calmly - but it doesn't / hasn't seemed to work so far.... I need to concentrate on what I can do and not relay on him because I don't want her to have to pick up on his anger.

I completely sympathise with the 5.30am wake ups (she had a bout of this a while ago but i left her a little while and she did drop back off - just at the point I was about to go in!) I hope things change for you soon and she goes longer. Feeling like a ghost is exactly the right word for it.

Oh hen...that sounds bloody hard. It's tiring enough being 6 months pregnant, but working AND having a wee one...I am in awe that you still have the ability to type...
I agree with knicker that hopefully your wee one is just having a post illness phase and will settle into her routine again soon. Sounds to me like your biggest prob tho is your husband....with everything you have to juggle, he should be supporting you soooo much more. Sounds like he needs a swift kick up the arse to make him realise how neglectful and selfish he is being.....sorry never nice to hear that about your loved one, but really.....leaving your heavily pregnant wife to repeatedly deal with a crying baby when she has to go to work and be somehow blaming her for the disruption is just not fair. I hope you manage to have a good talk to him and he sees the error of his ways....best of luck love x

Really feel for you and your family - sounds like you are having a hard time! My dd1 is in the same good sleep routine as your dd was. If she does wake up in the night and is upset - the only thing that works is to bring her into our bed for maybe 15-30 minutes and cuddle and sing to her until she has calmed down and then put her back into her own bed. This will only ever be 1 or 2 nights then she sleeps through again. Don't know if its any help for you, but hope your dd sleeps better soon!

Thanks for messages ladies - I agree so much that all of this would be bearable if I had a supportive partner - even if I was doing the same amount of work but he appreciated it would make all the difference, instead of just critising everything I do but not coming up with an alternative.

Feel quite down now just thinking about it but not so alone - so thanks for that. x

What a shame for you, you must have been devastated when your lo caught that second cold/cough! Don't feel too alone, there will always be support for you here

I also think it's a post-illness bout; not much help for you at 4.30am when you hear her waking up, I know. I think it sounds like you've done really well so far, the letting her cry for a few mins seemed to work before, so if you think she's all better again perhaps it would work again? It's hard to tell when they're completely better though, isn't it! Sorry, I'm not much use but I am sending you inner strength vibes...and kick up the behind vibes (big ones) to your other half, who should really be pulling his weight and not winding you up. Best of luck x

Dear sunshine 17

HAve recently been in exactly the same situation as you although my hubby is much more generally supportive. I don't know how I would cope without him. My DD1 is 16 months and am 21 wks pregnant. We have recetnly been on holiday to Oz. DD caught a virus on the plane with temps of over 40 degrees for 2 days and what with jet lag etc it was an absolute nightmare for over 10 days. Having siad that she has been consistently ill with something or another baout every 3 weeks since Jan. I found that eventually 10 days after her temperature came down she started to get back into sleeping through. However, we had to be really quite tough as whilst she was ill we had succumbed to letting her come to bed with us. She had got used to this and now points at our bedroom going Ta Ta at 3 and 4 in the morning. Also we have stuck like glue to the bedtime routine. I think you really need to listen to her cries and check as to whether they are really distressed or just whiny and moany. I had to leave DD to cry on and off for 20 min the other night as I could tell she was just waiting to see if she got a response. She has also tken to throwing her things out the cot but is in a sleeping bag so I do not need to worry about her getting cold etc. Eventually she went back to sleep again. It all depends on how much you can take. If it is up to hubby she is in our bed in 2 secs so it is also me who does the majority of the settling etc at night and then to work in the morning.

The 2nd thing is to get your husband to support you - organise one night you do it and one night he does it. Otherwise he can move out not you!