I'm a bloody awful mother, want words of wisdom/support, feel fed up

[Dolorescat]

Hi everyone,
I'm having one of those days/ weeks/ months .....
I feel low and feel like I must be a crap mother. Ds is now 7.5 months. This morning he was trying to crawl around and bashed his head really hard on the TV table. He has a great big bump that looks like it is going to be really bruised. Aswell as being scared that he has injured himself I am always worried that HV or nursery will think I am neglecting him or hurting him. He seems to always be bumping his head now that he is sitting/moving around. Is this my fault? I try to let him get on with things but maybe I should be surrounding him with pillows etc. Should I take him to Drs, let him fall asleep etc? Could he have concussion?
I also feel so sorry for him cos poor little man looks knackered. He has become a really poor sleeper, even crying in the night when he is in bed with me with constant boob access. I took him to baby clinic and said that I was convinced that he was waking up in pain/discomfort as he arches his back and rolls around. HV said he just wants a cuddle, (and implied that I should do CC, which I just cannot do.) but I am sure that is not it.... he wants to be held upright/sit up. Insisted the Dr let me try him with some gaviscon but made no difference. He farts a lot in the night and problem 10 times worse since started weaning (to the point where I am now only offering him tiny amounts of solids and then I worry that I am starving him!!).
Could osteopathy help even at this later age? My friend who suggested it took her son when he was a few weeks old. Is it too late? My ds was forceps delivery/OP position and in distress when delivered. V long labour and really weird pointed head.
God this all sounds so confused and rambling but I am so sleep deprived and worried/paranoid about everything I can't relax.
Any nice sane mums out there want to talk to me?

Don't worry about the head hitting too much - my ds was exactly the same at that age. Just put a cold compress on his head to reduce any swelling, and if you are worried about him then speak to HV or GP. Warning signs would be being very drowsy or vomiting. I was constantly worried about ds as he kept falling when crawling and cruising, but there isn't much you can do to prevent it. I just covered any really hard corners and put a rug down.

I don't know much about the osteopathy but it's worth a try, I'm sure other mums on here could give you advice about that. Try not to beat yourself up!

hi there, I'll talk to you Don't fret too much about the bumps on the head - my DS (2.1) is always bumping his - I keep a tube of arnica cream ('magic cream') for the bumps, it is wonderful at making potential bruises just vanish. And I keep feezable gel pads in our freezer at all times. He's the same at nursery, so I know it's not just my parenting!

Your DS is not too old for osteopathy - I tried it with mine at about 6 months, but no difference, but it is supposed to be excellent for loads of babies.

The pain / discomfort thing - all I can say is that you may well be right. I spent months and months saying DS had tummy ache, everyone looked at me as a first time mum and saw overreaction and fretting. Turns out he is lactose intolerant, and cow's milk was giving him dreadful wind. It's always worth trying things like taking milk or gluten out of his diet. Though you may want to take advice on that, not just muddle through like I did!

Take heart, you are not a bad mummy, though I expect you are a very tired one, and that makes everything seem worse,doesn't it?

You sound very far from a bad mother indeed.

Everything you put in your post was in 'I feel low.'

Some babies are bad sleepers. THey are made that way. Osteopathy can help, it's worth a try, but if it doesn't work it's not because you are doing anything wrong.

You have the good sense to know that putting cushions everywhere is the road to madness. How does he seem now after his bump? Keep him up a bit longer if you're worried, but I would be very surprised if he had managed to do any damage from bumping into a table.

Invest in some arnica cream. Tiny amounts of solids are fine at his age - his main source of nutritionis milk - but don't hold back because you're worried about the farting. THe back arching and rolling could be because he is cross.

The poor sleeping could be because he is overtired - how does he sleep in the daytime?

can I suggest a cranial osteopath too. The worked wonders on my ds and his sleep

Osteopathy is never too late. My daughter did that stretching twisting thing. Took her to the osteopath at 8 months. Turns out she possibly had the cord around her neck a while in the womb (was born with it there) and did this even inside...I remember the agony.

Anyway, just one treatment sorted her out. I was lucky though that it was the children's specialist who saw her.

Also tummy massage. Use warm oil (any but sesame, almond, even ordinary baby oil are all good). Massage the tummy clockwise and very gently before bed and before feeds.

And everything wanderingtrolley said!!

Aww you sound very down on yourself. Next time you are out take a look at other toddlers in their prams chances are most of them have bruises on their heads especially new walkers. My DD1 who's 3.8yo has a great big bruise on her head today as she banged into a chair yesterday chasing her sister. You cannot prevent most bumps. How do they know not to bump into a wall if they don't bump into it and feel that it hurts? I think it's all a part of learning. I agree "magic cream" is brilliant.

On the sleeping front, I have had 2 children treated the exact same way, one slept great one didn't. I don't think osteopathy would do any harm but it sounds like you are doing fine as it is. On the CC front if you don't want to do it don't do it. We finally got DD2 to sleep through by me going on nursing strike at 12 months, Daddy comforted and stayed with her but she got no milk. Couple of rough nights and that was it.

You sound like a normal first time mum, your doing a great job don't beat yourself up too much x

Hi,

I used to worry about what people would think if DS bumped his head as well - something he seemed to do alot. You are not a crap mother but a normal Mum worrying about your baby. I used to take DS to clinic with various bruises (he crawled at six months so was mobile enough to start getting them early). I used to freak sometimes as he looked as though he'd been in the wars. I wondered what the HV, nursery, relatives, friends (in fact anyone) would think.
Secondly - controlled crying CAN work but not everyone can do it - if it's any comfort I was a complete failure as I just couldn't bear listening to DS cry - hence it was 10 months before he went through the night.
He also had lots of wind and reflux - Gaviscon made not a sod of difference.

He is now 5 - loves his Mummy and seems to have coped well with all those banged heads and bruises.

You sound low and tired. Is your HV a supportive and understanding sort - can you talk to her or your GP. Also Parentline Plus are good - if you google them you'll find a phone number to call.

Message withdrawn

oh we all have days/weeks/months like that sweetie

and we all have DCs with permanent purple/blue/green brusies all over them. My DD has three whoppers over her forehead at the minute as she keeps trying to stand up and inevitable falls and cracks her head. We are also huge fans of arnica cream (also called magic cream here, LOL), and have a Mr Happy gel pack who lives in the fridge for those bumpy moments.

wrt to his tummy discomfort, is there anything you might be feeding him that might be causing it? wheat would be an obvious one for tummy problems. Or if he was BF and is now getting dairy?

the sleep thing is so hard as well.....no-one feels at their best when they are sleep deprived. Can you take a napo in the day when he naps to try and re-charge your batteries a bit?

i spoke to an osteopath about my DS who is now 5. she said that she coul still get results even at that age, but obviously not as effective as whn younger. Your DSs head is still maleable enough to benefit from it i would think.

hth xx

You are all so lovely, thank you.
I know it is all common sense but it is so hard when you are sleep deprived isn't it? Everything seems to build up and my poor scrambled brain can't make sense of anything.
I think it came to a head a few days ago when I found out that my brother's 3 week old baby girl is sleeping through the night and I just wanted to cry. I didn't stress about the sleep thing until a few weeks ago, as I just thought that it would come in its own time, but I'm going back to work next week and am starting to worry about how I will cope with 12 hour shifts!
I have days where I feel so confident in what I am doing and am happy not to try to manipulate/push anything onto my son ....and then I have days like these! Thank god for MN!

Get yourself some Rescue Remedy. That stuff really helped me through the sleepless nightmares.

You clearly care so much you are not a bad mother!

And don't read too much into the sleeping through from 3 weeks old..my DD used to sleep through from an early age and now is a terrible sleeper at 18 months!!

dolorescat, can you reduce your hours? bows to you at the thought of a 12 hour shift!

My DD started sleeping through at about 9 weeks, but then has gotten worse again and was up at least twice a night. she is now, at 10mo generally going from 7 till about 5, but not always.

tbh, I'd be a bit worried if a 3 week old baby was sleeping all night (if by all night you mean a full 12 hours).

Your brother's 3 week old is not sleeping through the night. Your brother might be....

People lie lie lie about all sorts where babies are concerned - it's utter madness and a personal bugbear of mine. You will find for every baby that does sleep through from day one, 1000 don't.

Glad you're feeling better

You aren't a bad mother or else you wouldn't worry about being a bad mother. My sister has a theory (which I believe is true!), no bad mothers, sit and think they are bad mothers- they don't give a shit whether they are good or bad. You obviously care so YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!

Bloody hell, my ds is always banging his head on things. I thought it was just something that babies do! He whacked his head on the radiator earlier and my HV was here at the time and she just laughed! It's what babies do I'm afraid! Of corse it is our job to minimise this but we can't stop it completely.

I got advised to do CC, I ignored the advice and I am much happier knowing that I can be there for my baby while ever he needs me. Do what feels right for you. HV can advise as much as they like but they don't live with your baby. Do what you need to do. x

3 weeks... sleeping through. Hmmmmm, I would be very sceptical!

MiniNova had really bad reflux as a babe, so can offer the following advice.
Sack the gaviscon- that can make matters worse in so far as it can make LO constipated, causing tummy ache/wind etc.
Is he throwing up or just suffering? (silent reflux), can you hear the acid going up and down his oesophegus? (sp)

Go down to boots and buy a box of carobel. Its a natural food thickener, made by cow and gate, and its fab for keeping milk in the tummy (if lo is arching back.pain when laying down, I bet you acid is the cause) You have to practise with it to get the consistency right. If you BF, it can be a bit more difficult, but you can use it to thicken yoghurts etc aswell, and also if you express.

For painful tummy, try massaging it in a backwards c shape (clockwise), as that is the way the intestine works and will encourage the wind to come out/ relieve discomfort etc.

I can sympathise totally, I never slept for the first 1 mths of MiniNova's life, he woke constantly in pain through the night and took ages to get back off.

If you think it is reflux and need more tips, come and find me.

18 months i meant

wanderingtrolley...that's the second time you've made me LOL this morning with your posts.