DS5 says he can only calm down with me

[wombpaloumbpa]

He's prone to explosive emotional outbursts which can get a bit wild. He will only calm down with me. Never dad. It's a Co-regulation thing.

I'm glad we have the close bond and he can calm down like that but I'm a bit concerned - will he ever be able to calm down by himself?

Sometimes he has made poor behaviour choices and we've had a scene, then he's sorry and needs me to cuddle and calm him. Am I doing the right thing? Some might say I'm rewarding bad behaviour. I always talk to him about his behaviour once he's calm and try to help him reflect on what happened. He's only 5.5. He's always been a highly strung little guy but he's also so lovely.

I'm just worried I'm not handling things well.

DD has always had trouble with regulation. Have you read the The Explosive Child?

@RappersNeedChapstick no... that looks really interesting thank you

How is he at school @wombpaloumbpa? Have the Teachers mentioned anything?

My DD also found it difficult to calm down but she also has some SLT issues which are not very obvious but made it difficult for her to express how she's feeling. How does he do on this simple 5 year progress checker?

Is he in the age range for the 60 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages?

Do you think something like Feelings and Dealings or the book No Fits Nilson might help?

@RappersNeedChapstick

Thank you!

I don't think he has any speech and language issues. He's very articulate and his comprehension seems mostly accurate.

However that second questionnaire is interesting and I think he has issues in the areas of social and emotional functioning. He feels everything so deeply and can't always seem to see other perspectives..

I'm unsure how much of this is being 5 or if there's something more going on. School always say he's a superstar and he's popular, they don't see any of the behaviour we see at home.

The card game could be useful.

I don't think he has any speech and language issues. He's very articulate and his comprehension seems mostly accurate

Did you do the progress checker? Like I said my DD's problems with SLT aren't really obvious.

However that second questionnaire is interesting and I think he has issues in the areas of social and emotional functioning. He feels everything so deeply and can't always seem to see other perspectives

In that case I would speak to your GP.

I'm unsure how much of this is being 5 or if there's something more going on. School always say he's a superstar and he's popular, they don't see any of the behaviour we see at home

If he's within the age range for the Social & Emotional Ages & Stages I would think that's perhaps more than normal 5 year old behaviour and he probably needs assessing by a Paediatrician.

Yes I did the progress checker.

I seriously doubt the GP will have much to say because he's functioning well in every area of his life. With resources so stretched would they honestly make a referral to a paediatrician for someone who is strong willed and feels things very deeply?

I was just after some help and support with managing his tantrums appropriately. Tantrums are a normal part of young childhood. So are sleep problems.

I feel like there is such an urgency to pathologize small children.

There is no information on how to score that 60 month questionnaire but it didn't flag up anything overly concerning to me. A few answers were 'sometimes'. It was really useful to go through it with my husband last night though. I think if there is a problem it's very borderline. I think I worry too much. He does have bad nights but doesn't wake more than 3 times for example. He does have trouble transitioning between play and sitting down for dinner but it's occasional. For example.