How do I appropriately discipline my 2 year old? PLEASE HELP

[endofmyfckintether]

I coslept with my daughter until she was about 1 and a half? & then I got fed up with her taking up the whole bed so I put a cot in my bedroom. Trying to get her to sleep in it was hell for the first 4 days & then she was absolutely fine. Put her down, she'd talk/ sing to herself for a bit, I could leave the room & she'd just fall asleep. But recently she's been wanting me to sit next to her cot and hold her hand while she sleeps. Wishing I hadn't now because I know I have made things 100x worse.

I'd sit on the floor with her for hours and she still wouldn't be asleep so I've now messed up my back. So now I tell her no mummy's not gonna sit with you anymore, you need to go to sleep like a big girl. But for the last couple weeks she has taken to throwing her bottle, blankets & pillow out of her cot & then asking for them all back. Screaming the absolute roof down for hours and hours.

Last night she threw her bottle out & then kept screaming for it back. So I said you can have a drink then I'm keeping the bottle so you don't throw it again. So she took a sip of water and then looked me dead in the eye & spat it out all over her bed

I'm honestly at my wits end with this now I'm fucking EXHAUSTED and idk what to do

Also is this behaviour normal?

Sounds like a normal two year old to me. The spitting the water on the bed is quite clever, actually, in a very button-pushing way!

I'd dress her warmly enough that she doesn't need a blanket to be comfortable and go for 'you throw it, that means you don't want it' policy. With mine, for a consequence like that, I will warn them once before I do it. I also do like to give a second chance, so after a couple of minutes, I'll ask if they can keep the blanket in the cot now or whatever. If they say yes, they can try again. Not trying again until the next night is quite delayed for a two year old – I feel like doing it much more immediately gives them a better chance of learning. (And on the times when they actually don't throw it again time, everyone is happy!)

For the screaming, it depends on if it's deliberate screaming or genuine distress and on how set you are on being able to leave the room whilst she falls asleep right now, or if you'd be happy to sit and read or listen to a podcast or something. If it's deliberate screaming and you're happy to stay for bit, you can use that as incentive not to scream – she starts, you say 'that hurts my ears; I'm leaving', step out for a minute or two. Return if she stops or after a minute or two. More screaming, repeat.

My partner and I always stay with our daughter until she falls asleep and she's nearly 3.
We have a little wind down session by discussing the day and what she enjoyed doing and what she didn't like so much, what she'd like to do tomorrow etc.
We don't even mention going to sleep.

It doesn't always go to plan but the majority of the time she's fallen asleep within 30mins.

Before all this, I'm the one that bathes her, I then use a fun little app called mouse timer which we race against to get her dry and in her pyjamas, then I hand over to my partner for bedtime reading on our bed whilst I tidy the kitchen after dinner. After story time we all make our way to her room where we pretend her bed is a princesses castle, mummy lays next to the bed and my daughter says draw bridge up so mummy lifts her legs, my daughter crawls under and into bed and says "draw bridge down the princess is in the castle".

If it's made fun I think it really helps, we struggled for a long time with similar behaviour you describe. Hope this helps give you an idea or two.