At wits end with DD

[rootsandwings89]

I really need a hand hold, currently in tears and at my wits end with DD. She’s 8 yo and has just started a referral for ADHD (mainly Hyperactivity/impulsiveness).

She can be a really lovely kid when she wants to be - outgoing, funny, helpful, sociable, sport, good school reports etc,

But when she’s at home she can be so horrible. She argues, answers back, rolls her eyes at everything, refuses to eat her food, refuses to do anything (tidy her room, put toys away, set the table etc). She shows off In front of friends and is rude to my and DH, doesn’t listen to rules or consequences. She throws demands around and we worry she doesn't appreciate anything.

She has a friend over for a sleepover tonight and just made her cry because she was rude to her. When we try to explain why she’s upset her, she just glares at us and turns away refusing to speak to us.

I don’t know what to do with her anymore.

Any ideas pls??

Anyone?

Is this normal behaviour for an 8 year old?

What would you do?

Hiya, some of it is yeah. It’s so hard when you’re in the trenches but there are ways to combat this behaviour.

some suggestions I would say (I work with families)
sit down together and discuss expectations. Both ways. Discuss foods she’s willing to eat but also ones that she needs to eat. Be prepared to negotiate on some things like 7.30 bedtime instead of 7. That kinda thing. Write it all down and once agreed all of you sign it.

Second write a list of consequences at different levels for her. 5 mins ‘calm time’ with a fidget spinner up to taking away technology and days out etc.

third. Star chart and rewards. Holidays are the perfect time too. Days out, movie night etc. so when she follows expectations she can build stars and ‘spend them’. Gives her a sense of achievement to keep her going.

For you. You MUST stick to the consequences no matter how stressed and tired you are you have to follow through this implements boundaries.

If she ignores you or sulks. Let her, it’s her only way of feeling some sort of control. You carry on as normal. Ask every so often if she would like to talk about it and respect if she doesn’t.

These kind of rules when implemented right work on children with or without ADHD.

obviously I don’t know if you have tried any of these but I find it works with a lot of my families but you have to be consistent. Make sure she earns these sleepovers and days out etc. if she’s behaving at school she is capable. It also means she feels safe with you and her dad which is a weird plus?

I hope this helps x