3 year old says she wants to hurt people

[JoannaStayton]

My 3.2 year old DD is frequently (several times a day) saying that she 'wants to hit people' and occasionally does. Sometimes she specifies who the target is (nursery friends, me, etc) and sometimes its a general comment.

I'm glad she is at least sharing her feelings but am quite unsure how to respond. I ususally say something like its ok to feel that way but that its not ok to actually hit people as it will hurt them. She just says "but i want to!' and we go round in circles.

I'm worried that it's quite a frequent and sometimes very out of context thing to say. Sometimes she also just says 'I want to hurt people'. She's never been exposed to any violence and no other siblings, only just started at pre school (it was happening before she went). She used to be very scared of other children but has recently become more confident.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips on how to respond?

Did you child grow to be a reasonable human being? 😬

After you validate her feelings but say it's not okay to actually hit people, I would move swiftly on to other ways she can express that emotion rather than getting into a cycle of 'I want to'-'but you can't'. Help her learn what to do with that emotion, how to work through it.

At three, and a young three, that will probably need to be quite physical. Something like a quick go on a trampoline (we have a small indoor one) can help work off frustration or anger, or sometimes running/jumping on the spot, or her best lion/tiger/dinosaur roar, complete with claws (used on the air only!). A 'silent roar' may also work – DD1 found it funny, with also helps dissipate the strong emotions. If she doesn't need something quite so physical, drawing a picture of the emotion might work – big, broad black and red scribbles can be quite cathartic!

Thanks for your response, will put more effort into redirecting her.