whta to do about primary school choices & potential bully - ramble!

[chocolateshoes]

I'm probably being over protective but wouldn't mind some feedback please. DS is 2.9 a happy little boy. He goes to a couple of Parent & toddler groups with me. At 1 of them there is a boy - 13 mths older than DS who has always tried to intimidate him. He pushes him about, shouts in his face....that kind of thing. I have told him off before - his Mum doesn't always notice but when she has she tends to say 'now ..X.don't do that you'll frighten poor little...'

We live in a village with a very small primary where there will probably be only 2 pupils in DS's year. For that reason I had planned to send him to a neighbouring school where there will be about 7 in his year - most of whom he knows from the toddler group. The boy - X will also be at that school and although he is in the schoolyear above will be in DS's class as there are only 2 classes in the school.

Last week he was being really nasty - calling DS smelly (he isn't!)and really in his face. I am beginning to wonder wether I shouldn't send him to the larger school afterall. I hate the thought that I might be sending him into a horrible situation knowing this boy will be there and will have been there for a year already & so will be mega confident. Yet, I am aware that these issues will inevitably arise at some stage but isn't it a bit young o have to deal with?

Sorry its all a bit rambly. I'm quite upset - I hate the thought of anyone being horrible to my wonderful boy!

Thanks. I think I should consider the other school - you are right. That is where my thinking is taking me. You are right that they will always come accross someone but it does worry me that this boy will be there the very day DS starts school aged 4. It is heartbreaking and also preoccupying. I keep thinkng that maybe in a year this older horrible boy will have changed but somehow I don't think so & I don't think its worth the risk.

I don't think it is worth the risk actually, it could really damage his confidence and he will be nervous enough starting school. Are both schools the same standard?

Pretty much yes they are simialr standard. Originally I wanted him to go to the one where there were 7 in his year (& the bully in the year above) but now am thinking the smaller one (without the bully)would be better.

Hm - I don't know. They are still pretty young and children do change a lot in that first year of primary school. I wouldn't base your entire school decision on the behaviour of this one boy, if you otherwise think the larger school is the right one for your son.

Can you avoid seeing the other boy for the time being? And concentrate on building up your son's self-esteem and ability to deal with aggression, so that if/when he comes across this again he is equipped to deal with it.

And see if you can find out on the grapevine whether the two schools are good at dealing with bullying. If they are good at it, the teachers will give you a lot of help in educating your child about how to deal with it.

DD1's first term at Reception was dominated by some pretty aggressive behaviour by one or two boys with problems. The teacher has admitted that it was a particularly difficult class. But they did a really strong programme of behaviour management and teaching the rest of the class how to be assertive and deal with aggression. And it was great to see how DD1's confidence grew as a result. I think being in that class has given her a really good start to her school career because she has been helped to deal with bullying from a very young age.

Thnaks for that Smithagain. We'll see alot less of the older boy next year as he will have started school. Its so hard to kno what to do. I'm thinking about enrolling him for both pre-schools anyway next year so that we can take some time on the decision.

the boy you mention is still only just four himself...little young to label him for life just yet - I know that's not what you're doing really, but I personally really wouldn't let one four year old dictate where you school your son. This boy is very, very young and will change and mature; his mum sounds very ineffectual with his behaviour but reception teachers will probably be much more effective so the problem may not ever exist.

Choose the school that you feel will be better for your ds and don't base it on one child - the child could change, the family could move! Any number of things.

I agree that you should choose the school that you prefer, without considering which one the other boy goes to. If your DS doesn't see him for a year before he goes to school, it's very possible they won't even remember one another.

Thnaks Hon & Chop. I don't mean to label the other boy at all. I guess I should see how things develop over the next few months and keep our options open. TBH it has helped just being able to 'talk' about this & get some opinions.