Toddler keeps waking baby up

[MayMi]

Please help 😩

2y/o DD (almost 3y/o now) has this extremely frustrating habit of randomly shouting when 5 m/o DS is either falling asleep or is asleep. It's driving me insane! He's still little so he needs multiple naps a day and she does this every time. It makes things SO stressful!! Usually, I can eventually get him to sleep but she's trying to interrupt throughout so every shout could be the one that ruins his nap.

I've tried giving her her favourite quiet activities to do during feeds etc when he's going to sleep but it doesn't make a difference. She could be very quiet and engrossed in whatever she's doing when he's not going to sleep. But as soon as he's sleepy, she'll shout out at random moments. She's not shouting words, just 'aaa!'. She's intelligent and does know what she's doing but she's not doing it out of spite. I think she understands she should be quiet but she likes the attention (?) and she feels tempted to do something naughty like this.

Due to the nature of needing quiet, I can't shout or get mad at her during the nap attempts. I keep gently telling her to be quiet because baby brother is sleeping (etc). It seriously tests my patience and at times when he can't sleep because of her, or just because I've snapped, I go and yell at her and she cries. But at the next opportunity, she'll do it all again 🙃

Please write any ideas you have on how to resolve this situation. Thanks in advance 🙏

It’s so hard, my toddler does this too. I tried giving her a dolly and we both “have to get our babies to sleep” and we both “have to be quiet”. She she will shush, give a pretend bottle and talk in whispers and put a blanket over dolly and pretend to read to it etc. Might be worth a try? Buys a little bit of time

None Of mine were taking more than 2 naps at that age, more usually just one. I just carried them in slings and they fell asleep if they got tired. The older one(s) played or we’d be out somewhere or working and they were oblivious most of the time to the baby . A tired baby should sleep with noises going on. I never kept things quiet for mine. They slept on boats with engines and clanking rigging and winches and shouting. Or in shops, or on tractors, in the byre with cows and milking machines and feed buckets clattering. Yelling at a toddler for being a toddler seems unfair on the toddler. She will come to resent the sibling if it seems the baby gets preferential treatment.

5 months old and one nap? That’s ridiculous. OP was asking for advice and ideas, not the tales of your baby sleeping through loud noises. Totally understand why she occasionally snaps, parenting is hard work for some, obviously not you though! So take a day off love.

OP I can’t offer advice unfortunately as my DD is an only child but ignore the mum shamers who pop up here 🙄

I know screen time isn’t ideal for toddlers, but could they have a special treat of watching TV in another room for a bit while you get the baby to sleep? Do you have a video monitor that you could put in the room with them so you could keep an eye?

Or, could you time nap times with snack time so the toddler is eating while the baby is napping? Mine is always quiet while he’s eating!

Alternatively, have you tried a reward chart? So each time the toddler is quiet while baby is napping, she gets a sticker, then a reward after getting a certain amount?

So hard. I can very much relate as mine are 27 months apart and older sibling can be very loud and would often wake baby up by touching / hitting / shouting etc. I just fully embraced screen time during those important moments and then tried to get in as much 1-2-1 time with older one when baby was asleep. It’s not easy and you are doing a great job. Hang in there as that side of things definitely gets much easier in my experience. Big hugs!

White noise machine for baby room and he won't hear anything

I’m not mum shaming. I’m saying, babies can sleep through noise and activities. If she’s home and puts the baby down for a nap, take the toddler to play at something. Or go out , baby in buggy and take the child to the park while baby sleeps, or read a story to child while baby goes to sleep, or draw with child while baby goes to sleep. Some of these can even be done while holding baby. If it’s tired, it won’t be able to keep its eyes open. And mine at 5 months liked watching the world …till they fell asleep but we were very active and not home much. I know others have more static lives. I apologise if it looked like criticism.

I can sympathise op, my DD was 3 when my youngest was born and she went through exactly the same. A basket of quiet activities and toys that she would only get access to when baby was going to sleep or sensory trays worked really well for us as she'd play quietly for ages and I'd switch them up every day but if that isn't working for you could you try a reward chart? Stickers to fill her chart and a small reward if she fills it at the end of each day/week?
failing that I used to put white noise on really loud to drown anything out until baby was sleeping and baby napped in her Moses basket in our room from a few weeks old because that was the only place in the house she'd get peace. It will pass op just keep your cool and she'll get bored of it eventually.

What do you do when baby is napping? Do you make a big fuss of helping DD or playing with her? It honestly sounds like she is jealous of him and doesn't want to do what would help him, but also won't hurt him so keeping him up is her saying "I don't have to always do what baby needs". Maybe if she knew being quiet and letting him nap was special "big girl time with mummy" she'd act differently.

Have you tried putting baby upstairs in the crib for naps with baby monitors camera ect x

I am not quite sure if the baby needs so many naps or of you just want him to have that many because that is what the book says? If he's tired he'll sleep through noise. I also had one that only bapped twice sometimes only once at 5 months. I just followed his leads and whatever noise his 3 year old brother made was irrelevant