Struggling First Time Mum

[RubyWooRose]

I'm a first time mum to a 6 month old DD and feel like I'm failing miserably.

I've created a rod for my own back by rocking her to sleep. She will contact nap with me but for only 40 mins at a time unless I take her in bed with me. It's not long enough for her and she gets tired quickly and irritable. It makes it difficult to go out with her as I'm not always able to get her to sleep!

She will only sleep in her pram if she's going over bumpy ground and occasionally will fall asleep in the car. My friends son seems to have slept well from day one, I know I shouldn't compare but it's hard not to!

She also high pitch cries at times. I took her into asda baby changing as she did a poonami and she screamed the toilet down. It was so embarrassing that it has made me anxious to go out with her for her too long.

She has no routine, really. I just try and watch her cues for when she is tired.

I just feel like I'm failing her as she gets upset so quickly because she is tired but won't fall asleep without help 😔

I am just not sure what to do to make life easier 😕

First of all you are not failing miserably. Your daughter sounds very normal in how she’s acting. Babies scream in public sometimes and it can be embarrassing, but it’s not a reflection on your parenting.
With the sleep though, do you have a bedtime routine? How does she get to sleep at night?
I also used to rock my son to sleep and it was so tiring and took ages and then he’d hardly sleep. So frustrating.
At 6 months we moved him to a bigger crib in his own room for nights and naps which helped him stay asleep longer.
We also did some gentle sleep training. We never left him to cry, we just found a different way to comfort him to sleep. We did a bedtime routine and then put him in his crib and would rub his tummy, shhhhh etc, instead or rocking or feeding to sleep. It took 1 night and then he’s slept through the night ever since (he’s now 16 months) and we put him in his crib and leave the room and he goes to sleep. He loves his sleep and actually lets us know most evenings when he’s ready to go to bed.
We then use the same bedtime routine (minus the bath) before naps and he started napping so much better.
I think it really helps to start the day at the same time each day so you know when the naps will be. We also make sure his room is as dark as possible, have white noise on etc.
But please don’t feel like you’re failing. The way your daughter is sleeping is totally normal. Your friends baby who had always slept well is the unusual one, so really don’t compare!

You're doing your best and that's all that matters. Some babies are easier than others. My baby won't sleep longer than 30 minutes unless I sleep next to her too. It's tough but worth it so that she isn't overtired and cranky and I have the time to do it. Sometimes you have to do what you need to in order to survive. Equally the advice above sounds great. Wouldn't work for my girl as she would just cry until I get her to sleep in the usual way but every baby is different and you should do what works for you x

@RubyWooRose you're not failing at all. What you're experiencing is probably the harsh reality of having a baby and not having much sleep

You've definitely not made a rod for your own back either. Rocking to sleep and contact naps are perfectly routine at 6 months, you're my doing anything that many of us have done before and lots of other Mums will be doing right now.

If you do want a bit of help with her naps you could try the No Cry Nap Solutionn*.

Please don't worry about her screaming in public either. It's built into us humans to look but do you know what I'm usually thinking? Either "that poor Mum looks bloody exhausted" or "I'm so, so glad we're past that stage". I can't imagine anyone would be judging you and if they are, that says more about them and how they deal with the world.

Do you think that anxiety might be overshadowing your enjoyment of having your DD right now? If you think it might be you could talk to your HV, she might know of a local group for Mums who are struggling a bit with anxiety or depression. You could also speak to the PANDAS Foundation