How would you deal with 5 year olds shouting

[Number3pending2024]

Hi I’m after a bit of advice
5 yo DD is a lovely girl and in the main she is well behaved. At school there are no issues and she’s generally quite helpful and kind to her siblings and friends. She’s got a new sibling (5 months old) so we’ve let a few things go but I’m wondering if we need to take a slightly harder stance on her shouting at us!

example :
While playing with her sister nicely for a while her sister does something to annoy her or isn’t following the game (she’s 2) she will shout at the top of her lungs STOP NO etc etc repeatedly and then when I intervene and tell her she shouldn’t speak to her like that she then turns on me and is literally shaking with rage NO MUMMY SHUTUP (picked this up from school) and even sometimes just noises likes ‘ARGGGGGG’ over and over . And it’s so loud!

I have tried sending her to her room but she won’t go and shouts some more. If I give her a hug she calms down but I sort of feel like I’m rewarding it?! DH keeps talking about needing to give consequences for the shouting.

She does it a couple times a week and it’s usually triggered by her sister or us saying no to something like another ice cream or similar.

Please be kind I’m trying my best for her and otherwise she’s a lovely little girl. What would you do?

It sounds as though she might be feeling a little overwhelmed? How is she in school? Does she get angry there too?

If you try to send her to her room but she refuses, what happens then? Are there any consequences?

A Mighty Girl has some suggestions on dealing with anger here but you may find The Explosive Child more helpful.

I know you say her speech is usually good, I think it's still worth doing this simple SLT progress checker.

No issues in school with anger or anything else. She has had a speech and language check in reception and no issues have been flagged. Speech seems fine to me and she can negotiate in great detail until the cows come home when she wants something!

i think part of the problem is there arnt really any consequences because we haven’t really worked out what is or isn’t appropriate. A natural consequence I suppose is I tend to say well I’m not talking to you when you’re being like that and she carries on for a bit and I ignore it. I guess I don’t have a set script or way to approach it so it’s slightly diffeeent each time which probably doesn’t help!

if she refuses to go to her room I tend to just ignore her until it blows over

How come she ended up having an SLT check in Reception? What was happening then? I think it's definitely worth doing the progress checker I posted. My DD has trouble expressing her emotions and it's not immediately obvious how she struggles with it

great

We are in Australia and the whole class gets an SLT check here (or did in our school) . I have done the progress checker too and it seems like she’s on track .

Does anyone else have a DC like a this who can advise what they do and if it works?

Ah ok, that makes sense. Wish they'd done that at my DD's school in the UK.