Hi,
We're the parents of two sons, our eldest is 10, diagnosed with ASD, severe learning difficulties and is on the waiting list to be assessed for behavioural issues re. impulsivity and meltdowns that we struggle to get him down from. In the last couple of months, he has been on melatonin at night, which has meant we've been able to get him to bed at a 'reasonable' hour (9 or 10pm, compared to times where he would not be able to get to sleep till 3/4am no matter what we did. His behaviour throughout the day has improved, but only when he isn't with his brother.
Our younger DS (4 years old) has met all of his milestones, and has been well behaved up until the past 4 or 5 months. He constantly goads and chases DS1, which causes him to scream out at the top of his lungs, and when we reprimand DS2 (by giving him time-outs, revoking privileges or just by giving him a firm telling off) he has started crying, which then sends DS1 into a meltdown where he will again scream, cover his ears, go on the floor and stomp and will not forget for the rest of the day, and keeps going back to pinch/ grab DS1 and then it starts all over again.
It got to the point where we were avoiding telling off DS2 for fear of this cycle of never ending of setting them both off, which has been horribly stressful considering we live in a flat. I'm mortified that the neighbours can hear the near constant shouting, banging etc and we'll end up getting a visit from the police (I'm surprised we haven't yet, because if I heard this from another flat I would think the kids were being tortured.)
I think we've made a rod for our back because now when we do tell DS2 off, he has responded by hitting, punching and throwing things at me and DP, almost because we have the audacity to put consequences in place.
Thankfully, we are moving to a three bedroom house next week, where hopefully we don't disturb our neighbours. But the problem still stands, and we're bloody exhausted. It's like Groundhog Day, and I have tearfully said to DP that if things don't change, then we may as well live apart and look after one child each because it's like Tom and Jerry in here.
Any advice would be gratefully received, please try not to judge- I know I should have done things sooner but I reckoned it was a phase where DS2 was concerned.