MRI scan - 9 month old

[xxILoveMyBoyxx]

Hi, my baby will be getting a brain/spine mri appointment soon due to various issues since day 1 including back arching, gross motor delay and feeding issues.

I haven’t looked into it yet but I hate the idea of him having a general anaesthetic at 9 months old. Apparently I can’t be with him during the scan, which will be at least 40 mins. I’ve never been away from him, even with close family, so that’s causing huge anxiety. I have huge anxiety around separation generally I think due to the horrific labour/birth/postnatal stay/general start to motherhood. I feel so guilty that he had such a bad start (I know I shouldn’t) so always try to overcompensate (mainly subconsciously) and that includes not wanting to leave him (I know that’s unhealthy but a reasonable response to the still fairly recent trauma that I’ve been through).

The GP and paediatrician (which have only now finally started taking me seriously - don’t get me started!!) have said that the scan is up to me. The treatment will be physio either way so I guess not essential for him to have the scan. Apparently the possibilities are cerebral palsy or abnormal brain structure. If the mri doesn’t show that, he could have tests to see if it’s a genetic condition. If it’s not genetic, it could just be developmental delay apparently and by the age of 5 will likely have caught up.

He’s had an eeg which thankfully showed he’s not having seizures, I managed that as I could be with him during that procedure.

I don’t know anyone going through anything similar so it feels quite a lonely place to be and I don’t really know who to talk to for advice. I don’t really want to tell people as I don’t want him labelled before a diagnosis. I don’t want people to see him differently. But on the other hand it would be nice for people to realise things aren’t rosy and I’ve had it really tough as I’ve been mostly suffering in silence.

I’m finding it hard to let go of anger towards the health service. The support has been basically non existent and if this is something like cerebral palsy, I can’t help feeling intense anger towards the people involved in my labour/birth.

Not really sure what I’m asking, maybe just advice if anyone is going through or has been through something similar?

I’ve never been away from him, even with close family, so that’s causing huge anxiety. I have huge anxiety around separation generally

I get this, really I do but for his sake and yours you need to start trusting those around you to look after him.

If you have a DP/DH start by just leaving them together whilst you go and make a drink and build yourself up to leaving them together whilst you pop to the shop. The same with close family. You may find it hard but he will adjust and realise that other people can look after him too.

have huge anxiety around separation generally I think due to the horrific labour/birth/postnatal stay/general start to motherhood

Has anyone told you about The Birth Trauma Associationn*. I think it would be good for you to speak to them about how you're feeling, if they can put you in touch with other Parents experiencing the sane things that you are and if they can put you in touch with a specialist Counsellor in your area.

I know that you are unsure about the MRI but the team looking after him will be absolutely lovely. It's their job and they will be good at it