How should I have responded?

[IMBCRound2]

I’ll start this off by saying I’ve just found out another round of ivf has failed so I’m an emotional wreck …. So please be kind! (And also explains why I can’t figure out how to respond!!)

I took us on a holiday to try recover from above …. My three year old is usually a very ‘good’ child - I’ve never known her to break things or draw where she shouldn’t or even make a mess when it’s not appropriate. It’s just not in her nature.

we arrived at the Airbnb - I checked for any potential dangers but there was one drawer I couldn’t open. While I was in the loo, she somehow got into that drawer and got out a knife. She was holding it and a strawberry when I go out and I immediately took it off her.

later she pointed to a cut in the wallpaper and said it looked like someone had done it with a knife. It was such an odd thing to say I asked if she had done it . Cue a long back and forth with her insisting someone else had done it with a big cheeky smile on her face.

i have absolutely no idea if she’s telling the truth or not - her reaction isn’t like her at all which makes me think it could be her - but equally she wasnt left unsupervised for long…. But then she’s never done anything like that before? There are similar but smaller tears in the wallpaper which are way out of her reach .

i have no idea how to respond at all…. Last night I was just so sad and stressed I just took us both to bed and had a good cry.

For what it’s worth - it’s a dead straight cut. Part of me is struggling to wrap my head around a toddler having the dexterity to manage it ?

I don’t want her to feel she can’t tell me the truth but I also don’t want to be cross if it’s not her fault (and I defo don’t want have to pay the deposit if it wasn’t her)

I would ignore it and enjoy your holiday.

It is unlikely she did it if she can’t reach it and the owner would have to have proof or pictures to show that your family did it.

Have a restful time x

Firstly I’m so sorry to hear your round of IVF failed.

If there was damage already there then I’m not sure I’d be happy to pay the full amount or at all. It’s a tricky one.

It does sound like your daughter did make the cut, purely because she was the first to point it out.

edited to say….. Are you still there? If yes, take a photo and ignore it until something is said by your host.

My guess would be that she did it! If she was holding a knife and smiling whilst showing you a cut in the wallpaper and telling you it looks like someone did it with a knife…it’s because she knows it was done by that knife! 😂

She’s 3, even the best behaved child at that age has impulsive and inquisitive moments. Just have a calm chat this morning whilst you’re doing another activity and gently ask her whether she might have put the knife on the wallpaper etc.

Don’t stress though, it truly isn’t that bad. For what it’s worth if it’s just a tiny mark that’s not very noticeable I’d probably keep quiet about it to the owners!

Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, just have a chat with her about how it’s not your house and things need to be looked after etc. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

I am really sorry about the difficulties you are having with IVF. I have been in your situation and I always felt it was so so important to protect my eldest from all of the emotions I was feeling. I know that it is so incredibly difficult but you need to try to not let all of the upset and turmoil impact on your parenting.

okay you will need to talk before taking any decision

I'd have an abstract conversation at some point about the cut to say "if someone did it then that would be a bad choice, would be upset if someone did it to your own house, people should look after houses that rent theirs, etc. etc." Then it's clear it was the wrong thing without you having to directly discipline her if you're not sure it was her. You can't be sure.

Really sorry about the IVF news you've had. It's such a hard time.

You will never find out. Even if the child owned up it doesnt mean they did it just they thought you wanted to hear it.

sadly move on from it just keep your usual watch on the child. Maybe keep the matches hidden…

She probably did do it. I think most children have drawn on or damaged something at that age. Probably testing boundaries. Seems perfectly normal. You’re probably reading far too much into this given your heightened emotional state. Forget it and enjoy your holiday!!!

Thanks all! Yes - it was more the possibly not telling the truth that upset me more than the damage . Damage can be fixed - I’m slightly obsessive about the truth .

all true about impulsive control, etc. I think because she has ready access to her toddler knifes and scissors it would have been a shock to come across something sharp!