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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

if you leave a baby to cry for 10 mins

17 replies

bumbly · 10/04/2008 08:55

is it really that bad? why is it bad?

this came up in other threads - what i have been resorting to do to get lo to sleep and it works as he is so tired there is nothing else i can do..wont be hugged wont lie down so all i can do is leave him to calm himself down by himself

so after 10-15 mins he does fall asleep

....

opinions

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TotalChaos · 10/04/2008 08:58

If it's sheer tired grizzling I think it's absolutely fine.

Original poster

bumbly · 10/04/2008 08:59

let me add - if he gets really really hysterical then i do go

and am always watching through crack of door or with monitor

OP posts:

LilyMunster · 10/04/2008 09:00

my opinion is this;

if you love your baby and are having no emotional troubles that way... you are most likely to have an instinctive understanding of your baby's needs and moods and act accordingly. being as how youre his mother and main carer and all that.

if you feel that he is simply overtired and will yell for 10 mins before dropping off to sleep and getting the rest he needs, then you go for it.

i might perhaps think about trying to adjust the plan to try to get him to sleep a little sooner, before he reaches that point, in future, but A, youve prob already thought of that and B, theres no telling what results i might find if i did try that.

in summary; i think YOU are the best person to judge whats best for your baby.
(as long as it mostly ties in with what I think is best, obv)

gagarin · 10/04/2008 09:04

Bumbly - it's not BAD at all!

Different parents/mother's have different tolerance levels for crying.

Not being able to leave a baby to cry can be a reflection of how the crying makes the carer feel inside and not necessarily about how the baby is feeling.

You know your baby's crying means "I'm tired and fed up and need to go to sleep" not "pick me up this minute". In fact you prob have found if you do pick him up he gets annoyed like "For goodness sake why can't she just LEAVE ME ALONE".

You are making the right decisions for your baby. Try not to worry about other people's opinions - they can help you think about a problem but in the end they are just opinion.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 10/04/2008 09:04

As his mother you know his cries and you'd be able to tell a whingy tired "I don't know what to do with myself" cry from a truly upset or pain cry.

There's nothing wrong with leaving him to cry for a few mins if that's what he needs to do, some babies are easily overstimulated and any more rocking and shushing when they reach the overtired stage just makes them hysterical.

I used to do this with mine, pop him in his buggy tucked up, he would do his tired cry for five mins tops and he'd be fast asleep. If I held him or stayed with him it would escalate til he was screeching, he wanted to be left to sleep! He has changed now and usually is fine with being cuddled to sleep.

All babies are different, if it works for you and him go with it, imho.

Meandmyjoe · 10/04/2008 09:32

I posted almost exactly the same thing a few days ago. My ds refuses to nap without crying and cries even harder and for longer when I try and cuddle him or rock him. For some unknown reason, he doesn't cry before his night sleep (although he did start a couple of weeks ago but thankfully that seemed to tie in with separation anxiety but has eased a bit now).

I wondered whether I was being cruel to lave him for 5 mins to cry before a nap. I got very supportive messages and was assured I was not doing anything wrong!

I suppose, if he is going to cry whether I'm there or not (which he does, and me being there seems to wind him up even more!) than it's better for him to settle himself.

I always watch him on the video baby monitor though and he has actually just woke up from an HOUR and 20 minute NAP!!! He never used to sleep for more than 30 mins in my arms and therefore was always grumpy.

If it works for you then don't feel bad. He knows you love him. He needs to sleep and I'm hoping my ds will learn that he can settle without crying. Incidentally, he only cried for 30 seconds before his nap this morning and slept better than ever.

I think you should keep doing what you are doing and hopefully he will learn as my ds seems to be doing that he doesn't need to cry for so long before sleep.

Good luck!

poodlepusher · 10/04/2008 10:01

I think you're doing exactly the right thing. If they are tired and want to sleep they are a bit cranky and sometimes I do think the yelling is a way of saying " oh for god's sake get out of my room and give me some peace"

My 4 month old DD does this for exactly 3 mins everytime she is due for a nap / bed time sleep (its an exception if she doesn't do it).

Personally I think they are going to be better equipped to settle themselves nightly as they get older (this has proven to be the case for my son who IS older).

If the crying increases instead of dwindling, I do go straight back in as its normally due to a nappy / need for top up milk.

lizziemun · 10/04/2008 10:16

Bumbly

Sometimes you have to for your own sanity. I know i never had to with dd1 as she was a very happy contented baby. But with dd2 (7mths) i have had to as she could scream for hours and not be pacified by me.

And i hated every moment of it, but i would be sitting outside her room in tears because their is nothing i could do for her. But now she is crawling she is so much happier i think she just didn't like being a baby if that makes sense.

swiftyknickers · 10/04/2008 10:19

god no, i would always leave DS to cry before his daytime naps-would grizzle for about 5 mins then drop off...saved rocking him for bleedin hours

CatIsSleepy · 10/04/2008 10:21

when my dd was little she would always cry before sleeping, whether I was holding her or not

after about 3 months she settled down faster if I put her down and let her have a little cry before she went to sleep

angel1976 · 10/04/2008 10:23

My 6.5 weeks old DS does the same... He does a whingey cry for anything from 30 seconds to a couple of minutes and then he goes off to sleep. I picked him up yesterday in between a nap (I thought he was done) and he wasn't pleased that I did that! LOL... As long as he has a clean nappy and he is full, then it's okay if you leave him to grizzle for a bit.

NorthernLurker · 10/04/2008 10:24

I think five to ten minutes is very reasonable. Dd3 usually goes off after 5 minutes or less - and you can tell she's going because the intervals between wails get longer If she's really yelling at 5 mins - I know she's not going to settle right then.

Original poster

bumbly · 10/04/2008 10:28

let me add

crying is usually for the night time sleep not so much the daytime naps

not that i ithink it makes a difference

thanks so much for qwords of wisdom

you mumsnetters are my saviour

OP posts:

Original poster

bumbly · 10/04/2008 10:28

let me add

crying is usually for the night time sleep not so much the daytime naps

not that i ithink it makes a difference

thanks so much for qwords of wisdom

you mumsnetters are my saviour

OP posts:

Meandmyjoe · 10/04/2008 10:46

Oposite of my ds then who only does it at nap times not night time. But if you know he's tired and if he's like my ds who will cry, arch his back and get more and more wound up the more you intervene then you are doing the right thing. I know my ds is tired and just mad at being tired if you see what I mean. Within 5 minutes he's fast asleep. I know it's hard. I only started doing it last week and already he cries less. I've spent the last 8 months pacing around with him and rocking him but he is so big and strong now that I had to stop.

The way I see it is that when they are toddlers they are going to have to nap in their cot, I can't keep rocking him when he's 3 years old so it's probably best I do it now.

Must admit, I hated doing it and felt terribly guilty but he croes for longer if I'm there so it's kinder in the long run to let him get on with it. Thankfully, he's never cried for more than 5 mins!

BaggyBick · 10/04/2008 12:00

my ds doesn't really cry before sleeping.
he kinda hums... for about 5-10 minutes
is that normal?

Original poster

bumbly · 10/04/2008 20:43

humminh sounds very cute!!

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