I need advice because I’ve lost my head

[Bigworldsmallgirl]

Can someone please help . I don’t want to be told to suck it up and look after my child because to be honest I can’t . I’m losing my sh*t here . She’s 6 and ever since she was about 2 I knew there was something different about her she was always the one who had so much energy , non stop , described as sassy, still wasn’t sleeping more than 2/3 hours without waking up . But soon it was no longer cute or she couldn’t get away with that behaviour . Soon she’s become a very mean child .
She wakes up every day angry . She wakes up in a bad mood . I try and reset every morning and say in my head just try with her . But as I say good morning it’s begun . I even try when she’s being mean to tickle her , make her laugh , ask her why she’s upset/angry . She begins kicking me from the bed . Then it’s getting ready for school she just ignore me. Like I don’t exist .
at school for the first year ( reception) was told she was very quiet , don’t really speak , is she okay at home , she daydreams a lot etc . I asked my doctor do u think she has adhd and she’s masking . And I got the answer they literally makes me want to scream but instead I smile and walk to my car and just cry because then I feel like no one is listening to me or helping me . The doctor says “ she is your first and only child , children can behave differently for their parents to when at school she’ll grow out of it .
fast forward to this year ( year 1) completely different . Behaviour has got worst . She spits at me and her dad . The house is trashed most days . She hits the dog , she’s rude to me , makes me cry and laughs at me . I always suffered from depression but this has made it 100x worst . I am literally crying as I write this because I hate not being in control and this has tipped me .
in the past month her teacher has been concerned about her she tells me she’s changed . She is now suddenly loud , she’s pushing in to children , she’s damaged things in the class , she’s never concentrating. Finally the mask has dropped and the teacher is also doing a referral . I always thought when someone else would see it I might feel better like a relief that I’m being heard but I don’t . I can’t live another day in this house with her because it drives me insane !

That sounds incredibly, incredibly hard – I'm not surprised your mental health is suffering.

Firstly, do you and DH both get a break, some proper downtime, even if it just an hour to go out and get a coffee and meet a friend/read a book at the weekend?

What does she like to do? Is there anything that makes her happy or calms her down? Bouncing on a trampoline, swinging, spinning, cuddling up with a blanket and teddies, music, fidget toys, even screen time – it's very individual. I'd try to build those things into her day at regular intervals, part of her routine to help try and keep her in a better place emotionally.

On the other side, are there things you know she's always struggled to cope with, certain noises, clothes, textures, specific places or activities? Try to find workarounds for as many as possible.

Have you and her teacher spoken to the Senco? Is she getting any support in school, as she's clearly struggling? Support is based on needs, not diagnosis, so a referral is good, but they should be putting things in place to help her now.

It might be worth reposting this in Special Needs Chat or Special Needs Children. The boards are a bit quiet, so it might take a little while to get responses, but posters are generally very helpful once they get time to reply.