contrary and defiant 3yr old - what to do ??

[Coolmama]

Ds has just turned 3 and up until now has been a really good boy - pleasant, easy-going and generally does as he is told. However, the last few months have seen him get more and more defiant ("No, I won't") and contrary ("No, I don't want milk" to "yes, I want my milk now") all done at high volume.

I realise this is, to a certain extent, a testing of boundries and asserting of independence, but aside from being consistent in ignoring this behaviour is there anything else that you would be able to suggest, oh Wise Ones ??? ( before I throttle the little blighter!!!)

yes agree that most 3 year olds go through stages like this - but with dd2 she takes every thing to extreme. dd1 was nothing like her!!!

Oh I LOVE Mumsnet! [hugs you all manically]
There's nothing like coming on here to make you feel normal and alright again. It's just sooo good to hear all of your threenagers are just like my little miss stroppy pants at the moment .

milky mill" little miss stroppy pants" love it!

I have a 3yr old DD and have read this with interest!

Unlike some, we've had defiance from around 18 months so I'm used to it but do struggle with it on daily basis. I have read all the books and make a conscious effort not to turn everything into a battle and encourage her to be more independent etc but occassionnally I question whether I am on the right track. Because she still pushes and pushes and pushes ( although she is far worse with me than anyone else) and she is full of attitude. She's fearless and nothing I do seems to have an impact. On the occasions I have lost it with her (shouting) her approach is 'whatever' and is entirely unfazed by me. I do the counting down thing and carry through on punishment. Sticker charts and other rewards carry no motivation for her (and she is not spoilt by any stretch of the imagination so it's not as if she used to getting daily treats). I have tried ignoring but again seems to have no impact, she just follows me around.

I work and also have dd2 who is just one and I am not very imaginative and I struggle when we are trying to get out of the house at 7.15am to be creative in terms of persuading her to hold my hand to cross the road, get in the car seat, not to pick her sister's nose and make her cry etc. Sometimes I just need her to do as she is told/asked! (always within reason for her age), particularly as I will have already made time to read her story, choose her shoes etc before we leave.

So no solutions I'm afraid but by all accounts it's a phase and perhaps we all just have to hang in there!