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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dd2 is a complete wuss with other children - will going to nursery once a week help with this?

14 replies

Moomin · 07/04/2008 21:11

Dd2 is 2 and a half and since I've gone back to work when she was 12 months, she's gone to the childminder I've been using for the past 6 years with dd1. I've only been working part-time: 2 days pw the 1st year back, 3 days this year and 4 days pw from Sept. Our childminder is FAB and we are more than pleased with her continuing provision of care for both the dds (dd1 still goes to her before and after school on my work days).

Dd2 is more 'up and down' in temperament than dd1 ever was though. Dd1 is brilliant with her, but compromises quite a lot and is very sensible when dd2 is wanting her own way. She would rather walk away from a row or tantrum than fight with dd2. Neither of them is particularly 'physical' with one another really and there is very little snathcing or fighting in our house. The other kids at the childminder are mostly the before and after school lot, all older girls and they mother dd2 a lot. The other day-time child is a boy the same age as dd2. He is a bit more rough-and-tumble and robust but still dd2 manages to get her own way a lot of the time and I think the CM intervenes a lot because she only has the 2 of them and she doesn't let them fight - NOT that I think they should be allowed to fight, btw, I'm just stating the facts!

Recently, I took dd2 to a mums and tots morning and it was a terrible disaster - dd2 just doesn't have the ability to stand up for herself as she's so used to people being kind to her and her charming the pants off everyone. Out of her comfort zone she gets hysterical when other kids get toys from her or are in the slightest bit physical. She's even started getting like it when we have friends over with toddlers or dcs that don't share as well as she is used to (I'm also not blaming them, btw).

I tried to get her into a morning nursery this term and the CM was happy to take her there and pick her up but they are full. C is now asking me for my plans on my extra day in Sept and I am seriously thinking of a day at nursery for her instead of the CM. She will be 3 then and one year off pre-school. Good idea? or will Sept be too late as well?? When she feels 'safe' she is the most outgoing child: very sociable and happy; it's just contact with other children the same age as her that is the issue.

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WanderingTrolley · 07/04/2008 21:25

Honestly? Keep her with the childminder. One day a week in a nursery isn't going to improve her social skills. A week is a loooooonnnnggg time at 2½. Keep her with the childminder until she's ready for pre-school.

Maybe your childminder could start taking her to M&T groups from September, so she starts to see more of children in big groups, iyswim.

yomellamoHelly · 07/04/2008 21:25

Personally I'd keep her with the CM. It sounds like she feels secure and happy there and if it were my child I'd feel that was the most important thing. There's plenty of time for spreading of wings later.

Fillyjonk · 07/04/2008 21:43

No I wouldn't worry about it

Kids at this age have appalling social skills. They don't have any concept of sharing, they hit, they shout...I often think it would be awful to be a 2 year old, not only are you pretty socially inadequate yourself but then you are shoved into social settings with people just as terrible at it as you, with the only thing you have in common your obsession with putting Thomas related artifacts in tiny handbags and screaming when you can't close it up

Also-she's happy at the CM. I'd leave well alone.

HonoriaGlossop · 07/04/2008 22:09

exactly what Filly said!

Janni · 07/04/2008 22:15

You really don't need to think about nursery until they're 3+. Routine and security are most important at this age.

MNersanonymous · 07/04/2008 22:30

Can't advise on CM v Nursery but ds has been very similar and over sensitive to the slightest thing other kids do. He is now heading for three and growing out of it and getting a bit more robust I think.

He does go to nursery but despite this was still the same for ages as your dd. The only difference was that he was mainly ok with the other kids at nursery. Any others he was over sensitive.

The problem is he wouldn't really bash another kid or whatever so he seems mortified that they'd do it to him and scared.

Also note that as her peers get older there will be a little less rough stuff going on anyway so she might be happier around them.

PuhPeng · 07/04/2008 22:44

I think at such a young age you help their confidence to grow by making their lives feel secure.

Heated · 07/04/2008 22:46

I think just the one day at nursery would be quite upsetting for her and she'll not have chance to settle into a routine but be 'starting over' every week iyswim.

Maybe wait until preschool when she's that bit older.

CoteDAzur · 07/04/2008 22:55

Sorry to go against popular opinion here, but I would vote for 1 day in nursery.

DD was exactly like this. Always very gentle, used to everyone around her being gentle and kind. Not only would she let other kids take toys from her, but they would come and push her and she would just sit down crying.

She has been going to nursery 6 hours per week (2hrs x 3 days) for six months and a lot has changed. She is now more confident, not scared of kids anymore. Still very gentle towards other kids, but when they come to snatch toys from her, she says "No!" and pulls them away.

Same age DDs of friends also go to nursery 1 or 2 days a week and they have been coming on in leaps and bounds.

slng · 08/04/2008 08:49

I think you have to work with your child in this. DS1 is now 4 and still gets upset when other children push or snatch - quite naturally. We've talked about it and discussed options on how to deal with such incidences, and he has rejected all suggestions of retaliation and picked options more in keeping with his style. Some other children I know are quite happy to go down that route. It very much depends on the personality of your child. And 2 1/2 is young - definitely she needs to feel safe before she can venture out. Surely that is natural and mustn't be seen as being a "wuss" - I thought that once and it's very much counterproductive - I got stressed, he got stressed and nobody got any further. Think a gentle and pacifist child who has to learn to navigate the big bad world! Thank Mahatma Gandhi!

slng · 08/04/2008 08:50

Think Mathatma Ghandhi, I mean. Though I'm sure who could thank him too ...

slng · 08/04/2008 08:50

we could

edam · 08/04/2008 08:55

I think one whole day a week at nursery will be very hard for her. The other children will be 'regulars' who are familiar ground and know each other well. One day a week isn't often enough for her to get to grips with it - it's a long time between sessions for a little girl.

Original poster

Moomin · 08/04/2008 12:00

Yes, I think you're right - and I'm so glad I posted in the first place as it's made me see it from her pov a lot more. I was being facetious when I called her a 'wuss' - I'm actually glad she's quite a gentle soul but I also get upset when I see her in an hysterical state when she feels threatened and I guess I was looking for a quick fix for this.

Dd1 had a mix of CM and nursery for her first 4 years (because I thought a mix would be good) and she coped brilliantly; but now I realise that's down to dd1's personality more than anything. She's very even-tempered and flexible and not a lot irks her. After reading the posts about dd2 it made me visualise what 1 day a week in dd2's routine might do and suddenly had visions of her screaming hysterically each time we dropped her off!

Being two is really hard isn't it?

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