This is really hard ... at the time I "thought" things were ok
I had my 1st daughter and bonded straight away and I devoted all my time to her fine although I had pnd I was still bonding and being there and when she turned 1 I went back to work and felt great having the time away
I had my 2nd via section and I just never felt that bond with her and after I was given the all clear to do sports I started getting my mum to look after the children while I went out and done my thing this was kinda daily so this definitely wouldn't help with the bond I was gone a few hours a day looking back I think I still had PND but this time was "running away from the problem" I had it in my mindset that to keep me healthy I needed to have "me" time and I still wanted my eldest to feel like she mattered so I would also "ontop of having solo me time" I would have just me and eldest time.
This lasted probably 6months. Then I was at home alot all the time
Only thing is now she's coming up 5 and although I did end up putting the time in she's seems to be more bonded with my partners mum than me she is really rude and horrible I try my best and she has so much my head feels like it's spinning she'll say to me she's moving out to grandma's but at night she'll only have me lay with her and she wants me she's now having major meltdowns and tantrums I'm just not sure how to fix the rupture she come to me when she's hurt although her grandma is 1st call if she's around and I know it doesn't help that she is "grandma's" favourite and it does show I'm not sure if I'm reading into it or if I have failed her completely and now we just don't have the bond we should