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Painfully shy 3 year old

4 replies

AlviesMam · 06/06/2024 10:11

Hello
Just looking for advice really
My 3 year old daughter is painfully shy.
When we go to my sisters house she won't even look or acknowledge her cousins (3&5) for the first 30 minutes, clings on to me, hides, want a hug off me. She sees her cousins weekly so knows them very well, she's the same with adults like my Mam or my sister, takes her such a long time to open up even though they are familiar faces.
She goes to school nursery and goes in absolutely fine, teacher said she is very quiet but she doesn't seem shy or upset when walking into the classroom , I looked through the window today and she just joined the children on a table and started playing. She speaks about the children in her class, knows all of their names But if she sees them outside of school and they say hello, she turns her head and freaks out, won't acknowledge them! There is a slight pattern, I seem to be the problem! It's always when I am around she gets shy and embarrassed with other people. Even when she looks in the mirror she tells me not to look at her, it's like she gets so embarrassed.
I'm taking her to a gymnastic class this evening and I'm dreading it because I know she won't join in because of how shy she is but I really want to get her confidence up. I'm worried about her having anxiety all through her school years.
She's not the type of child to go off and play im soft plays or play areas , always wants us to be with her and if someone goes near her she runs off the play area and it knocks her confidence to go back on.

Does anyone have any tips or advice?

TIA

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
AlviesMam · 06/06/2024 16:16

Bump

OP posts:
HanaPales · 30/06/2024 10:56

Hi, saw this and wanted to reach out. I also have a shy little girl, and I recognise a lot of the things you describe. I think there are big positives in what you said, mainly that she goes into nursery happily and plays with the other children there. This suggests that when she is on her own without you, she is confident and can find her own place in a group. As you say, the 'problem' seems to be with your presence. I also feel this with my girl, and there are a few others I know who are very similar - for some reason they get very bashful when the parents are around but are fine without them.

My daughter, who is 4, has come on loads this last year in this respect and now although she still has moments where the shyness hits, she generally warms up much faster and can be sociable even with me around. Our pre-school has been great with bringing her out of her shell, so definitely talk to your nursery for tips on how to build up her confidence.

Will the gymnastics class be with you in the room or without you? If without this might be the best thing for her because she needs that lack of 'safety net' to be able to interact nicely.

Good luck!

Glueear17 · 30/06/2024 13:20

Sounds like my daughter too. Comfort zone is nursery, anywhere I am present she is stuck to me. Not sure what to do !

Lemontreeinthecity · 01/07/2024 11:54

Joining as my daughter is similar...
One thing I would say as a tip OP is not to call her shy, label her behaviour as shy..
My DD switches between quietly confident and then will not speak, look away of someone , often and adult , speaks to her...
At parties she will join in but come back to me a few times...like she just wants that but if reassurance. I never push her to join in, let her hang with me...and then she returns to the party, friends.

She has lots of friends at school and mixes well. She's just not one of the louder, jump in types.
And that's totally fine.
It's good to be quieter and hang back.
Taking her time.
Just keep it relaxed, it will improve.
Good luck OP your daughter sounds amazing
😊

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