9 months-screaming to sleep

[dezzer]

My 9 month old bub has gone from getting himself to sleep quite easily to screaming down the house the very moment he lays down in his cot. (he used to do that at 5 months when he went from co-sleep to cot), but I can't work out what it is now. He stands in his cot and holds on to the sides and won't be put down. He didn't sleep well until 6 months and I ended up giving him a dummy at 7 months which helped him more, but now it doesn't help at all. Also when we're out in the stroller as soon as he's tired he screams ..really screams..it's a mare, he didn't used to! I think the screaming has started again since he has been able to pull himself up in the cot...but what now...? I am thinking of letting him cry it out - any advice?

Does he do it when you're in the room?

My DS (now 11 months) used to settle himself to sleep fine but since he's been able to stand in his cot he's been less settled. If I'm in the room with him he's fine, he just doesn't like being left on his own. I'm putting it down to separation anxiety. It's a pain but I basically have to sit in his room with him until he decides he's ready to go to sleep. Some nights it's half an hour, some nights 3 minutes.

I totally sympathise! My dd has always cried herself to sleep whether Ive been in the room or not...and she also does it in her buggy, its a nightmare! She got better for a few months, but lately its been almost intolerable.
Have you been doing anything differently lately in terms of putting him down for a nap, has his pre-sleep routine changed? Has he ever been left to cry? Sometimes they get freaked out if that happens, and you'll need to build his confident up about being in the cot. Does he scream if he's put in there for play and not a sleep? Perhaps he could have some play time in there whilst you have a shower and get dressed, or even just go for a wee!
I find it hard knowing when my dd is tired, she shows very little tired signals and can go from content to screaming with over tiredness in seconds! If I do catch her yawning or ear pulling and get her in bed in time then its much easier.

I think they definitely need a lot of reassurance at this stage - they are suddenly so much more aware of surroundings and also separation (I think it's normal for separation anxiety to kick off around 9 months), on the other hand you don't want to find yourself in a sitution where you always have to stay with him until he falls asleep as this can end up being so tiring for you in the long run. Lots of things can set this off though - my DD1 had always been perfect at going to bed, then at around 9 months she was v ill for a week or so and slept in bed with us, once she was 100% better we tried to get her back in the cot and she was having none of it.

My advice would be along the controlled crying route i.e. do not leave him to just cry it out as that can be v unsettling, they need to know they are not deserted. As you are probably aware with CC you go back into the room every five minutes for the first half an hour. Try not to stay in the room for more than a minute, preferably less. Lie him back down (but avoid picking up or cuddling - I'd just do a little bit of stroking or patting) and repeat some comforting words (when I did it with DD I'd repeat like a mantra 'Mummy loves you very much, it's time to sleep now, goodnight'). For the next half hour you extend the time interval to ten mins and after that - if he's still going, keep it to 15 min intervals. It can be hellish the first night (DD managed nearly 2 hours of howling, I was beside myself), but usually has really dramatic results within 2 or 3 nights. With DD the second night she cried for 30 mins and 3rd night went straight off and has done ever since.

The most important thing with CC is that if you do decide to try it you have to commit to it. If you try it, then after about an hour decide you can't stand it any more and give in and e.g. cuddle him to sleep, all you will have achieved is to teach him that if he cries long enough eventually that's what you will do. It helps if you have your partner there and you have discussed it beforehand and agreed on the strategy (the only thing that stopped me giving up on it that first night was DH's support). Also, I'd actually time the intervals as in my experience 30 seconds of crying seems like 10 minutes so unless you conciously time it you'll be in there the whole time.

Puppydogtails: He generally won't cry if I am in the room - he likes to play in his cot and when he wakes at night he gets himself back to sleep pretty much. I just sat in the room tonight and let him walk around his cot until the fallen boxer finally dropped - with a bit of patting he fell asleep - took 45 mins though!

Mumofpixies:He doesn't scream when he is put in the cot for play - after a little while he does get bored and moan but generally doesn't mind it. He is the same goes from completely happy to hysterical. I do think it's over tiredness also as his naps are getting shorter.

Nellytheelephant: Will see if gets any better this week, and then will follow the CC path - may the force be with me!

dezzer we could have the same child! You have described exactly my DS. I was intending to try a gradual withdrawal approach, slowly moving the chair closer to the door until eventually you are outside it. It's going to be a slow approach though. I am sooooo soft when it comes to him crying, I just cannot bear it. Let me know if you manage some success.

Have you had any success dezzer? I've just had the worst evening with DS. He went into his cot dopey but almost immediately was standing up. He was fine while I was in the room but TBH I couldn't be arsed with sitting there tonight, the minute I left he started screaming. I've just had 45 minutes of screaming before he would submit to sleep, with me constantly going in to settle him. Then he woke 40 minutes later screaming again as though something has frightened him. It's all very draining. I just feel like I need someone to tell me what to do!

I have had a bit more success - I normally just put him in the cot and he drinks a bottle then starts standing and going a bit crazy. Last two nights I have given him the bottle in my arms - got him very full and sleepy before he got in the cot - both nights he has stood for about 5 minutes then collapsed. Not sure this is a solution though. Otherwise it's controlled crying, or I think they'll never understand that it's sleepy time. A friend with the same issue said it worked for her but you have to be consistent, and switch off a little and not let it get to you. Let me know......