Help - 20 mo dd constantly whining for attention, can't even make a cup of tea.

[joorla]

My 20 mo dd has always needed lots of attention, which she has been given but how or when do they start to become a little more independant. I'm absolutely exhausted, been up since 5 this morning and just haven't had a minute to myself until now (dh has just finished working on the house and has taken her out for an hour).

She's such an active child and wants to be constantly on the go, I work 3 full days a week but on the days I'm off we do something every day together - soft play areas, parks etc. Today we haven't gone anywhere coz I'm just so exhausted but I wish I had now - it's harder work stopping at home and trying to amuse her than taking her out. She will want all her toys out and will play with them for 5 mins and then move onto the next toy, the house is a complete tip and she has caused chaos!

I can't even make a cup of tea without her crying for my attention and grabbing at my clothes and crying to be picked up. I cant cook any meals - she just can't seem to entertain herself for more than 5 mins and gets bored really quickly.

Today I snapped at her and shouted which upset her even more and made me feel really guilty - time out is needed but dh works 7 days a week and the only real break I get is when I go to work!

Is this usual behaviour? Has anyone got any tips -should I just ignore the whinging and crying and let her get on with it. It's probably my fault for giving her too much attention anyway.

IME it's best to just ignore the demanding behaviour, you can't physically be expected to spend every minute catering to their every whim.
She'll get used to it eventually.
Sounds harsh but is honestly the best way to do it.

Show and tell her everything you're doing if you need to get on with something. Put her on your back in a sling to cook.

With my DS I did a lot of slinging at this age - on my back for hoovering was a good way of getting him off to sleep. If I couldn't be right there I would make eye contact and sing.

Totally hear you on the demanding thing. DS is now 2.5 and he's like this too, but the total clingy stage is over now. Still gets up all through the night and at 5.30 every day though....

My ds was like this - I do SO recognise what you say about it being harder work being in all day than it is going out...and work being a break!

I wouldn't worry that you have given her too much attention; it's not your fault, you've responded to her need for attention as any good mother would! You haven't created the need, it is just there in some children more than others.

So my advice would be to play with her as much as you can, and don't worry about it. As soon as she is able to play alone more, she WILL - you can't 'train' her into it, she will do it when ready; and I believe she will be ready all the sooner, if you give her what she needs now.

However I wouldn't say I'm advocating always giving in to whining; you have a right to make a cup of tea and have ten seconds here and there! I'd do as Mrsg suggests and keep talking to her, telling her what you're doing, etc so she is reassured; if she's a real pain and you feel it's dangerous, eg in the kitchen, then use a playpen for a minute. Saved my life with ds at this age, when I needed to answer the door or go to the loo or something. I guess what I'm saying is, don't let a bit of crying and whining put you off doing some totally necessary stuff; don't agonise about it.

FWIW my ds is five now and can play alone for AGES and is a very confident boy so playing with him lots has not turned him into an attention seeking monster

Totally seconding HG here. my 4th child was clingier than superglue at this age - somewhat to my surprise as although the older 3 had gone through the normal separation anxiety/mummy is best typoe scenario, this was in a whole different league. he'd bellow and wail if i went to the other end of the kitchen never mind into another room for a few seconds. heartbreaking, yet tbh infuriating and suffocating at the same time.

It's certainly exhausting but it WILL come to an end. So take HG's advice and go with the flow and give her what she needs. 20m is a baby really; they won't get spoiled or over manipulative i promise. for me there was light at the end of the tunnel from just before 2.5. At 2.9 mine went without a murmur to morning playgroup without me. Now at just over 4 everyone comments on how sunny and outgoing he is.