DS just refuses swimming lessons?

[hannahjb]

We have a very strong willed 4 year old DS who used to love his swimming lessons and was doing them very well. I used to try to take him once a week aswell but 37 weeks pregnant now and just haven't got the energy.

Anyway, one week we went for the usual lesson and his normal teacher wasn't there and he just refused to get in, I wasn't really worried then because there were a couple of kids who did the same. Normal teacher back the following week but, again, he wouldn't get in, I took him for a further 3/4 weeks with the same thing happening and then I stopped as he was getting more and more distressed.

I should point out that he is very outgoing, loads of confidence, and annoyingly he is a brilliant little swimmer. We really want to get him back into lessons again. We have talked to him about it but he is adamant that he only wants to go with me? He doesn't even want to go to lessons with any of his friends at playschool! Any ideas would be gratefully received?!!!!!

Given you've talked to him to see if there's a problem, I'd leave it for a while and start lessons again in a few months.

FWIW ds was really enjoying swimming then suddenly started turning down all dh's offers to take him. When I had a chat, turned out ds didn't like the something-sticks dh bought at Christmas - things to put on the bottom so they dive down to get them. Once I'd agreed he didn't have to take them, he was fine. So do have another chat just in case there's something easily fixed.

I had a similar prob with my 3yo ds. It had stemmed from an accident he had at preschool and since then cried whenever I took him to swimming class and preschool. I totally understood the not wanting to go to preschool, but the swimming really bothered me, as I sat at the pool side! It took about a month before he decided to go in and participate again...it was v embarrassing because he is also very outgoing normally, and all the other mums would look at me and say things like 'ah bless him, is she shy', and 'dont worry, he'll get there'...and although they were trying to help it just made it worse, and it was as if they didnt believe me when i would say its not his normal behaviour! I cant say what worked exactly in the end...but I think it was to do with bribery! I told him if he completed the class like everyone else he would get a toy that he'd been lusting after for ages. But like I said it still took a month. That and the fact that I wasnt going to cave in, and I think he thought I would. I tried to coerce him into the pool at first and managed to get him to sit on the steps going into the pool for a few weeks in a row, but then I just said that it was up to him and if he really wanted this toy he would do it...and obviously reassured him that I was still there at the pool side! He loves swimming so it really bothered me that he didnt want to do it anymore. Since then hes been fine and has been excited about going etc, but Im curious to see how he'll be when he goes back after having been off for over 3 weeks with easter!

My ds screamed blue murder when I took him to lessons. So we gave up - and a year later he loved them! def not worth forcing the issue.

Why is it important for him to carry on having swimming lessons? He's 4 and can already swim. He's got years & years ahead of him when he can go back to having lessons (or not, if he doesn't want to).

He might just be feeling unsettled because of the changes having a baby will bring and is unsure how he will be affected by it. This may well just be a protest/ way of asserting control. Ignore it and just take him when you can, swimming without lessons. He will probably come round in a few months.
I think you are doing the right thing by not forcing it, especially as he can swim.

I know this is a slightly different argument all together...but when I was little I was slightly on the shy side...and didnt want to participate in anything and would rather stay at home with mum....so i would scream myself silly at nursery and swimming, and the other various activities mum would take me to, and therefore she'd take me home. Result! I then became incredibly introverted and hated school...i didnt know how to interact with children as i had never really done it before, and I was scared of adults (teachers) other than my parents. It took me years to come out of my shell. I am conscious of not being too pushy with my ds and dd, but I certainly want them to have some social skills and a experiences like preschool (which ds only goes to 3 mornings a week) that are seperate to me. My ds is very confident and outgoing, so for him to suddenly become introverted (which did stem from this bump at nursery) was a worry for me. That was why it was important for me that he does swimming and other activities when we can. I do agree that for some ppl its not remotely important that they go swimming, as youve correctly said they have their whole lives ahead of them for such activities....but it is clearly an issue for the op which she wants to resolve. I dont think I would have been as brave as Mumsfruitandnut and left it for a while as I would have worried that he would not have wanted to go back to swimming lessons as the screaming worked the first time around. I suppose it depends on how good you are are figuring out what is crying due to proper distress, and crying for other reasons....does that make sense? I hope I dont come across too pusy...my ds is pestering me and its hard to concentrate!!

I suspect that the other children refusing to get in gave him the idea initially and then when he saw what a reaction he got, he thought he'd carry on. I think I'd just drop it for now & try again when he's a bit older. So long as he goes sometimes with you he'll not lose the ability he's already got. When he starts school he should get used to conforming at more formal group lessons again, so maybe try swimming again after a term or two at school.

Do you think it could just be because its not "fun". As in when he goes with you he gets to mess about and do what he wantsnot get told where and when and how to swim. I only ask this because my DS is doing the same - loves to swim but is no longer liking his lessons. They are still very young and want to have fun. Especially if they can see other kids in another part of the pool having fun. How about giving him half an hour play before/after his lesson. Maybe this would work.