2.5 year old is so loud

[cocovivi]

I have two girls, one 2.5 years old and the other 4 months.

I am really struggling with my older one's behaviour and I wondered if anyone has any tips as it is getting me down.

I'll start by saying I am so proud of my daughter's amazing personality. She is bright, confident, funny and extremely sociable. She loves being around other children and is always trying to join in, and she will strike up a conversation with anyone she meets.

However, her exuberance means that she is extremely loud and her behaviour is challenging. She is always shouting, doesn't matter if she is happy, upset, tired or excited, she is just constantly yelling at the top of her voice. If the baby is crying, she will shout louder over the top of it. If I say she can't have more ice cream, she shouts. If Peppa Pig finishes, more shouting. If she is playing in the garden, shouting. Sitting in the pram going round the shops, she shouts.

She is also very strong-willed and will absolutely not do anything she does not want to do. For example, she has never been interested in food and at mealtimes now she won't even approach the kitchen table to see what I've given her as she just shouts 'YUCK' and walks off.

I have no idea how to tackle this. I have tried not shouting, shouting, remaining calm, explaining why it's not appropriate to shout, bribery, time out, but nothing works. I am at the end of my tether and struggling to split myself between my two children as I feel like I am constantly dealing with my eldest's behaviour. My baby doesn't get a look in.

I would be so grateful for any advice or even just words of solidarity!

Firstly, make sure you praise her when she's speaking at a normal volume. Even if it's a tiny, inconsequential few words – 'Thank you for using your inside voice, DD. Yes, you can have some more strawberries.' Repeat, repeat, repeat. Normal volume = attention, and positive attention at that.

An additional step could be not to respond to things that are unnecessarily shouted beyond asking her to speak more quietly. Ideally use the same sentence and same tone as much as possible, so it's minimum attention. 'Say that more quietly please, DD'. Shouting = minimum attention.

Depending on her level of understanding and how your home is set up, you could also try some choices around very noisy play – basically that she can continue to shout, but then she has to play in her bedroom/you're going to leave the playroom and go to the kitchen, or she can be a bit quieter and you stay together. She can genuinely choose, there's no wrong answer – but you can choose not to listen to it at full volume.

With food, when/where does she eat, and are there any concerns around her growth?