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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm seriously starting to think that there is something wrong with DS1...does this sound like normal behaviour for a 2.5 yr old? (sorry, its long)

46 replies

2point4kids · 03/04/2008 15:38

DS1 has always been a spirited child. He is one big ball of energy and very very hard work.
He has lots of wonderful personality traits, such as he is always very polite, very gentle with other children, never snatches or pushes etc. He is very confident with new people and is always the first one to try new and adventurous things. BUT he is also always running off at every opportunity. Cant sit still for any amount of time at all (he couldnt stay sitting long enough to eat a sandwich if we were out in a cafe, he would run around and be noisy. Throws a tantrum if I put him in a highchair). He cant concentrate on anything for any length of time.
I have always tried to do lots of things with him to allow him to burn some of his energy off. We go out somewhere every day, either to the park, to soft play, to the farm or to toddler groups etc.
As he gets older though his behaviour seems to be getting more uncontrollable rather than better.
My younger brother has ADHD and Aspergers and my Mum is always saying things to me like 'xxx really reminds me of xxx (my younger brother) when he was younger' etc. I always put her off and say 'dont be silly, he is a typical boy, most boys are full of energy' but recently I am starting to wonder if there really is something 'not quite right'

This is how today has been (a fairly typical day behaviour wise)..

Tantrum at me changing his nappy, insisting (shouting) at me that he hadnt done a poo and did not want a new nappy on. He had done a poo.
Tantrum at getting dressed. I encouraged him by saying if he got dressed we could go to the farm and see the animals, this helped very slightly.
Tantrum at putting his shoes on.
Tantrum at getting in the car, wanted to 'walk there'. Its a 20 min drive away. Had to pick him up kicking and screaming and put him in the car.
Got to the farm place and parked up. Walked about 2 metres into the farm trail and he turned round and said 'that way' pointing back to the car park. I told him there was nothing that way, only the car park and that all the animals were ahead of us. He has been before sevaral times and knows this, plus he is very good at understanding and communicating, so would have easily understood me. Every time I let go of him he ran back to the car park. If I tried to hold his hand he went floppy and laid on the floor yelling and crying. Wouldnt walk with me. Eventually I gave him the option of either walking nicely with me to see the animals or getting back in the car. He siad 'car'
Put him back in the car. Sat in there with him and gave him 5 mins to calm down and stop yelling and crying. I told him I was giving him one more chance. I had put him in the car because he wouldnt walk with Mummy. If I let him out again he needed to walk with Mummy. He said yes, ok.
Let him out and exactly the same thing happened ALL OVER again!
I was the only Mum in that place saying to her child 'you WILL look at the animals with me or we will have to go home'

NONE of my friends children behave like he does. Neither do my nieces and nephews.

Does it sound like 'normal' behaviour for a 2.5 year old? I dont know what to think any more!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Poohbah · 03/04/2008 19:49

Oh, he sounds just like my son. They are just high needs babies/toddlers. So high need that definately I sometimes wonder about hyperactivity but I'm an Occupational Therapist so know that my son is just a very active child. All the other tots at swimming just stand by their mothers, not mine he is legging it out of the changing room, swinging like a monkey from the changing bench or locking himself in the cubicles..he never stops..I'm knackered.

The fussy baby Book by Sears and Sears has a good section on discipline.

Here's how I cope,

As you do already, talk to him all the time, explain what you are going to do first, do it in a very lighthearted way.

Praise him lots if he does do what you say.

If he has a tantrum put him in his playden or room. Explain why and don't give in. Leave him there for two minutes. Keep explaining why he is there in simple terms.

OR hold him close and explain as above, this will calm him down.

He is just frustrated because he can't really explain what he is thinking. Put yourself in his shoes.

If he does that throwing himself on the floor, tell him to get up and stop being naughty. Tell him it will hurt your back. (It will)

On the weekend I tried reins. I fastened one side only so he has lots of free rein that worked well in sainsburys.

Ensure he isn't too tired.

Don't give him any Ribena or chemicals etc..

Get your hubby to get more involved.

Still hard work though!

Original poster

2point4kids · 03/04/2008 19:50

That book looks ideal. I am definitely going to order one, thank you.
And bless you all for saying that my DS sounds lovely. He is lovely. Hard work, but very lovely

OP posts:

Journey · 03/04/2008 20:03

I think it must be hard for you because you are probably always wondering if DS does/shows x behaviour does this mean he has Aspergers. Meanwhile another parent would just be going "oh it is the terrible twos". Perhaps your DS is picking up on your anxiety.

I can't believe what your Mum is saying that must be so difficult to deal with. She would have me in tears.

By the way your DS sounds normal to me.

Journey · 03/04/2008 20:11

Poohbah - your swimming pool description made me smile. My DS2 is just like that.

nikos · 03/04/2008 20:54

To be honest, most people on here telling you not to worry have probably never seen an Aspergers child. Your mum has so I think her opinion is worth listening to.
If in doubt, get him checked. If there is anything wrong then early intervention is really important.

BigBadMouse · 03/04/2008 21:02

Hmmm, I know two Aspergers children fairly well and they have a lot more 'issues' (for want of a better word) than the OP's DS. That said they are older 6 and 7 so I'm not sure how things started out for them.

I do think you should get him checked out if you are at all worried as it will play on your mind.

annoyingdevil · 03/04/2008 21:07

Yes I have a 'spirited' DD. She does exactly the same thing at swimming - hides in lockers, climbs & runs off. Showing no signs of calming down at almost three (although at least she can be bribed with chocolate now!!)

Louii · 03/04/2008 21:11

Fish oils, fish oils, fish oils.

They have made a massive difference in the attention span of my nearly 3 year old, he has been taking them for around 6 months now and the difference is unreal.
The shop i get them from were out of stock for a couple of weeks and boy did i notice a difference in his behaviour.

fridgemonkey · 03/04/2008 21:20

My ds (2.3) is exactly the same, exuberant, intense and spirited, and it is so reassuring to read the replies on this thread. I'm going to read poohbar's again and again, I can tell.

You do wonder if there is something amiss, as they seem so different to other children of the same age. But I wouldn't change him, he's gorgeous as he is.

terramum · 03/04/2008 21:49

nikos can I ask why you asked those particular questions? Curious to know if they are relevant to a particular syndrome or were you merely curious

nikos · 03/04/2008 22:02

They can all be subtle signs of Aspergers/autism. Late potty training, sensitive to sounds or particular sounds, high or low pain threshold (our ds very seldom was bothered if he hurt himself), clumsiness (particularly with aspergers), the most obvious one would be not comfortable in a group situation.
The signs of aspergers can be very subtle at this age, that's why I think anyone who is worried should get it checked out.
Things like hiding in lockers and running away can all be early indicators. It's all to do with escaping sensory overload.

nikos · 03/04/2008 22:02

IorekByrnison · 03/04/2008 22:59

Sounds very normal to me. Dd is same age and all these things are very familiar. She's always worse when she's tired though. Does he sleep OK?

terramum · 03/04/2008 23:46

That's interesting nikos...DS started to learn to use the toilet at about 2 ish but it did take about a year & a half for him to properly out of nappies. He is VERY sensitive to loud noises or crowded places (as am I tbh), seems to have a very high pain threshold, doesn't seem particularly clumsy to me (although is generally covered in bruises from leaping about so much LOL). He hasn't had much in the way of large group situations as we Home Ed, but is happy with small groups of children/people to interact with....so I guess he has some signs of asperger's...

nikos · 04/04/2008 13:34

Terra - I think the key is social interaction. If a child has problems with this I would be concerned. The other things are side issues that just help to round out the picture.

Miggsie · 04/04/2008 13:40

...my friend has 3 boys and they run around, have always run around, learned to play football, they play football, run around...don't care where, don't even look at surroundings if they have a football.
He's a pretty normal boy by the sound of it.

terramum · 04/04/2008 13:56

Good to know nikos - he is very sociable with adults & children & often goes up to strangers at the shops & introduces himself & asks them to play with him

ScoobyDoo · 04/04/2008 14:00

sorry but this is just so so normal for this age group my dd is in this stage now & my ds went through it is well, it's hard work but it will pass.

desperatelyseekingsleep · 04/04/2008 14:06

Haven't read the whole thread, but your ds sounds EXACTLY like mine, who is now 2.9, down to him saying "no this way" even when he kinows the park/farm/whatever is in the opposite direction. If he's in the mood we can have 15 tantrums a day, then he can go for weeks without any at all. I don't know much about adhd, but I do think 2 positive things that stood out from your message are that he seems to communicate very well and is also quite sociable (not traits associated with the autism or adhd spectrum I don't think). It sounds like normal 2 year old behaviour to me... at least, I hope it is, or there's something very wrong with my ds1 too!

robinia · 04/04/2008 14:19

Hope this hasn't been said already but a middle ground if the farm scenario rears its ugly head again is to always carry a buggy in the car. After mastering the art of getting tantruming child in buggy you then can go visit the farm and hopefully at some point on the way he will stop tantruming and your journey will not be wasted (and nor will he have won the battle).

Poohbah · 04/04/2008 19:08

Fridge Monkey - It's good to know there are others out there isn't it? The lady in the cafe at the swimming pool said "I had one of those" nodding at DS then she said "I didn't have another one for 4 years" .

I re read The Fussy Baby after I went offline and I would really recommend having a read, their advice is much much better than my simple suggestions. There is a good section on "mother burnout" aswell which is never really mentioned in other books and is quite reassuring.

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