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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Looking for advice

4 replies

Tasminxo · 03/05/2024 21:11

Hey!! Just looking for some advice really regarding my daughter who is 4 (nearly 5) and her behaviour. She is a lovely little girl so polite and kind as well as thoughtful. She loves playing with other children and is meeting all her milestones and developing so well however she has always been strong willed and stubborn (which I love about her because I think in life they can be really good qualities) however we are having more frequent agressive temper tantrums initially they weren’t very frequent maybe once a month but now since March they are now becoming daily and more agressive with her spitting, hitting, kicking and biting ; mostly around when told no to something and if out of her routine (which sometimes can't be helped) . I am just wanting to see if anyone else has experience with this with their own child and if they are able to recommend some support they may have revived to support! Her speech is well developed as if her understanding - she isn’t having issues anywhere else and school say she is as good as gold as do friends and family that have her when she work.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
CadyEastman · 04/05/2024 09:21

Yeah I've had one who was as good as gold at school and had huge meltdowns at home.

I know that you're happy with her speech but I'd still do this simple progress checker and some DC can have certain aspects of their speech missing.

I think that the book The Explosive Child might help you to deal with the tantrums at home.

OnlyBoobsandBabies · 05/05/2024 22:47

Hello,

Is she a bit bossy and controlling? I only ask this because my 4yo was and had similar meltdowns and we worked hard and minimised the meltdowns with certain techniques.

Tasminxo · 06/05/2024 07:41

OnlyBoobsandBabies · 05/05/2024 22:47

Hello,

Is she a bit bossy and controlling? I only ask this because my 4yo was and had similar meltdowns and we worked hard and minimised the meltdowns with certain techniques.

Hey! Yes she is super controlling and bossy ; to the point if I bath she'd always get in with me (never even thought anything of it other than it's just sometimes quicker lol) then the other night I didn't need one and she was refusing to get in the bath if I did. Please share your tips please!

Thank you x

OP posts:
skkyelark · 06/05/2024 10:27

Did anything change in her life in February/March? Perhaps arrange a chat with her teacher to ask if anything has changed there if you can't think of anything, could be something quite small like where she's sitting or who she's with has changed.

I'd also wonder if she is using up so much effort being 'good as gold' everywhere else that she has nothing left at home. She's basically on her last nerve, and then you get the straw the breaks the camel's back. Perhaps try building in some recharge time immediately after school (or after wraparound care, if she goes). For some children that might be bouncing on the trampoline or swinging on the swings. For others, it might be cuddles and stories on the sofa. If her understanding is good, talk to her about what you want to try and why and ask her for ideas.

Once you have a sense of what helps her, you can try to use it when you see early signs she's struggling. It might be different for different situations – my similarly aged daughter is ordinarily a cuddles and stories sort of child when the day has been too much, but if she's getting frustrated, for example, a couple minutes on the trampoline to bounce the frustration out is much more effective.

Perhaps also think about keeping things low-key after school and at weekends for a bit. It might help to have as much as possible be predictable and easy for her whilst she's clearly struggling with something. Even stuff like food and clothes, I'd lean in a bit to her favourites and stuff that is easy to eat – things like cutting up food with knife and fork can still be pretty hard work at four. Again, I'd talk to her about it, would she like to go swimming this weekend (fun, but more challenging), or would she rather go to the park/whatever the low-key routine is again? If you need to do something out of routine or that she might find challenging, I'd try to build in recharge time before/after (and ideally with a plan for an emergency version during!).

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