I hope it’s ok to ask for advice on here for my little girl because I’m becoming so worried and would really appreciate any words of wisdom from anyone with experience or insight into this.
I have a little girl, an only child, who, until my ex and I officially separated, was bright and outgoing. She was confident and independent and would chat the ear off anyone. Wasn’t surprised that she initially struggled with the separation but it’s now been almost a year and I feel like she’s never come back to herself. I feel like we’ve broken her tbh.
Shes incredibly clingy and seems genuinely jumpy. She doesn’t sleep through the night (she used to be a fantastic sleeper) and if she’s with me she cries for my ex once she wakes up and vice versa if she’s with my ex. She still has a good appetite but complains after eating that her mouth or some part of her body is sore and that she needs a cuddle (dentist confirmed nothing wrong with her mouth). She was almost completely toilet trained before (would always go on the potty and would go on the loo if someone came with her) but now she’s back in pull ups and will only sit on the potty if I put it in the kitchen when I’m cooking dinner. I suspect my ex got cross with her for doing #2s in her nappy, although they deny it, and she tries to hold her poo in now and make herself constipated if we don’t watch her carefully. I’ve tried stickers and rewards to lure her back to the loo but she freaks out. She does use the loo in nursery but that’s the only place. People used to stop me all the time to comment on her language because she was quite advanced and would chat the ear off anyone. Now she’s quiet, often speaks in a soft baby voice and I even took her to a speech therapist because I was worried she was developing a stammer (the speech therapist gave me techniques that seem to be working but we have to go back in a while to monitor it).
What I’m most concerned about is her socially. She bawls every day going into nursery but they tell us that once we’re gone she’s fine (she is very bright and seems to have continued to make progress in nursery and they have shown us videos where she’s playing happily with the other kids etc), she won’t play in the playground if we take her and just clings on to us, I had to take her home from a friend’s child’s party because she just clung to me and wouldn’t engage at all, when she’s with her cousins she’s not very nice to them and won’t share or take turns and then throws a tantrum when she’s called out. All of this has got worse over the past few months and she didnt used to be like this at all.
I feel so guilty and genuinely considered going back to couples counseling for her sake even though we all know it’d be a disaster. I think my ex and I do a good job of coparenting so far and always keep things positive around her. We collect her from nursery together on Friday afternoons and try to do something nice with her but she just wants us to physically hold or snuggle her and doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything.
I took her privately to a play therapist but she freaked out and just cried and clung to me the whole time for the first session. The principal therapist in the place stopped us when I took her out to the bathroom cos she was crying so much and for the next session she took her and brought her dog (dd loves dogs) but she still wouldn’t let go of my hand or talk at all and I didn’t bring her back for a third session because it just seemed to be upsetting her.
I’d really like to be proactive and am open to any suggestions or ideas that people have that may have. She has always been exceptionally close to her grandad (my dad) and he thinks she’s depressed. He says “the light has gone out of her” which just makes me so upset. I’m so worried about her turning four and/or starting school and still regressing rather than progressing.