High anxiety going into school - help

[raeraekathleen]

Hello,

I'm writing this post as we are now in the 3rd year of battling going into school. And I'm desperately seeking help. It started in year 2 / 3 and my son is now in year 5.

We have had some good moments but on the whole it's been a constant battle and I don't know how much longer I can carry on doing this. I feel like I'm torturing my child making him cry and scream every day, being physically forced into school.

He has complained of chest pain for almost 2 years, he's also had stomach pain. Docs have ruled out anything physical.

I just put this video together of a few clips I recorded a few months back to show people to see if I'm doing anything wrong / can improve.

Watching these clips breaks my heart. He frowns the entire walk to school. And breaks down when we get there. We have tried doctors, distraction techniques, asking school for help, tactics when he's in school, breathing exercises, therapists etc. has anyone else been through this? Does anyone have any ideas? Please help.x

www.instagram.com/reel/C6OCvi5I26C/?igsh=MWlkbmpudTFiejE2Zg==

Hey I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Apart from the chest pains and stomach ache etc does say anything else like does he find the work too hard, or a teacher who isn’t as nice as others / does he have friends. Chest pain could be a panic attack and the stomach could be anxiety
remember that Sunday evening feeling a lot of us had! Obviously not to the scale you’re describing!

Thanks for your message. Looking back I think it could have started losing his Granma then soon after, my best friend and their Godmother in a car accident who we were close to, then covid and then returning to school was difficult... then a boy in the class was really unkind, the school never dealt with it. I tried to keep telling them about what was happening and they only decided to take action when my son finally retaliated and tried to do something back months later, so I think he's lost faith in the school and found it difficult that there was no justice. Said boy then turned a lot of his friends against him. It made the next year complete hell for him. Everything is how much better and all his friends are kind again, but I think the damage is done and just made him hate school 😔

He didn't like last year's teacher or the head teacher, but likes this years class teachers... so it's not black and white... there is no clear reason. But a lot of possible factors contributing 😔

What a tough time for you all. That will certainly cause distress to someone so young. Could he perhaps have a bit of separation anxiety from you? Losing so many people in such a short amount of time then covid where everyone was getting sick could he be he’s afraid if he’s not with you something will happen? Therapy might help. It sounds daunting but it might be good for him to speak someone. There are so many charities locally that he could talk to, as one at the school might put him off since that’s where some of the trouble has been. If you go onto your local council website there should also be links for local mental health websites who can provide someone to talk to if you can’t afford privately. When I was a kid I wouldn’t want to talk to someone I know, but would happily open up to a kind therapist otherwise he might always see school as a negative and once he hits secondary school, it’s better to have the issues under control, otherwise it might get worse for him as kids are much more cruel in secondary. I’m no expert by all means, just an outsider point of view for you!

Thank you so much. I did enquire about a council led one but the waiting list was so long, so we just started with a therapist. I'm hoping it'll help. It seemed to after the appointments but he's struggling to apply what she's said. But hopefully continuing to go will help soon... thanks so much for all your advice 💕