3.5 year old excluded from school - recommendations near London/Bucks/Berks

[XJ15]

hey so my 3.5 year old was excluded from school nursery until we can find out what she needs help with in regards to her behaviour
school think it could be a sensory thing as she doesn’t follow instructions well, she interrupts assembly and shouts randomly, she’s hurting her friends and teachers, spitting, taking shoes off or her clothes.
at 2 she was scratching other toddlers at the old nursery but improved so much just said she was very cheeky. Don’t get me wrong, it was stressful because she was acting out but they would say she had good days
then at 3 she started at school nursery. At first it was just acting out, biting things just being and they struggled to get her to follow instructions so they brought in a key person to give her little breaks when it go too much for her maybe

we had come a long way she was listening to me at home don’t get me wrong she threw tantrum at times but I could get through to her.

now the last two weeks is just out of control hitting kids, pulling hair, spitting on teachers that they’ve said she basically can’t come back till it’s sorted

at home she is wild always jumping about hardly relaxed but I did feel I was getting through to her and we were really having a great time at home. Now it’s “in a minute” “no” and if I give the option to make the right choice or time out, she goes ballistic at me doing all the things she knows she should such as saying bad words, spitting and hitting. I try not to react and usually I succeed to not give her my reaction but sometimes I do scream back (only 2 out of 10 times - still working on those 2)

school have basically handed her back to me (i get she can’t be around other kids if hurting them I really do)
the GP said it’s not a medical emergency she’s on the list (which can take like 6 months)
ive contacted charities and private therapists who may be able to assist but I’m going mad waiting because I want to begin the help as soon as possible and I just need to know what’s going on because I want her to be okay and enjoy life, not a life of being excluded or left out because kids are scared of her.

does anyone have any recommendations around Heathrow area / London/berks/surrey for a centre or therapist? or any advice

p.s I’m sorry about the poor grammar, but I’m used to my iPhone adding the capital letters and honestly I’m too tired and my eyes hurt so much from crying I just couldn’t be bothered to go back and add the capital letters 😞

All of that sounds incredibly difficult, you must be exhausted.

Do you know what the list is that she's on @XJ15?

Hi, where abouts are you? Are you within a London Borough? You sound in a similar area to me.
I have a referral through GP to child development centre which is our area's route towards an ASD assessment. (18 week till initial assessment but I didn't say we were urgent, I just wanted to get the ball rolling)
Also, nursery did a separate SaLT referral. Referrals went in at the same time (Feb half term ish) and we have an appointment with them on Tuesday.

In my area there are other avenues of help, but I haven't tried them.... SENDIASS, health visitor, early help

Do you have a school place for September for Reception?

It really is, thank you for replying. I have no idea what list whenever I call for advice I just get the referral has been sent, we will be in touch. There’s so much that could be going on, I just want to help her in the right direction!

Yeah I’m in Hillingdon! I started the ball rolling by making the appointment about 3/4 weeks ago, but the last two weeks have spiralled. I honestly should have mentioned that the last two weeks (so after Easter break) her two favourite teachers haven’t been there for various reasons. But long term I know they won’t be there forever. I’m going to a SENDIASS meeting on my lunch break as my daughter will thankfully be at her grandparents in the afternoon since no school. Health visitor was nice on the phone and will call the school next week, I just can’t wait the 18+ weeks, she’ll really miss school because she loves it, she doesn’t know how to cope. I wish the school would let me know what might have triggered or what happened before. All I get told is the “bad” things she does. If they had said because she wanted to play with a toy, then at least I could try and teach her to wait her turn. I know why she’s punished, but I don’t know why she’s doing it! I’ll look at the SaLT referral as I haven’t heard of it! Thank you! I hope it goes well and let me know how you get on, I’m off to google them now.
and she was first year nursery, so she had another year in nursery then reception would be September 2025

Ah I see, that is good that she has an extra year until reception. My daughter is almost 4 and will be reception in September.

Have the school been able to suggest what they will do to help your daughter on return to school? Have they helped with any referrals?

I struggle to get information out of my daughter's teacher as well. My child doesn't have the same behaviour at school as yours but of something is wrong she will wet her pants and not tell anyone and she could have literally just been to the toilet. I ask the teacher what happened today and they are like ooh she's fine. Er, no she isn't! They also don't see her wild behaviour as she saves that just for me 😬

Is the nursery the same school as you would want to send her to reception in?

I am also Hillingdon.

It is, but then if they don’t let her back (and I got the impression they don’t) it’s possibly another nursery to get her settled into and then it could be a different school the year after. I just feel like they’ve made up their mind she will always be “bad” and not sure I want her to go back.

All they told me was to go back to the GP, I then found out from Hillingdon OT he attends the school for other children, so why couldn’t they have said this to me when I was sat there asking for advice. I think it was their way of saying that’s it now. She loves seeing her friends, but she has told me she’s sad because they wouldn’t play with her this week (probably as acting out, I get it) but it made me so upset to hear her say that. When I told the school it was pretty much yeah cos she’s doing this and that. She’s so empathic because when I was crying about this she wipes my tears and says mummy are you okay don’t cry and does check on the other kids when their hurt, but it’s like she gets into this other mind sometimes and doesn’t understand how to cope and not test boundaries. It was the school I wanted her to stay out, but now I’m not too sure.
Perhaps they were just fed up yesterday of her, but I googled everything what to do, who to call etc and when I asked I didn’t get much back. Then I found on the school website all links and who to call if your child may need SEND support. Someone could have printed it out or sent me the link 😔

I mean I could be stating the obvious but maybe speak to the health visitor service I called them and the lady was just so so nice and helpful and she’s going to call the school next week on my behalf, so maybe you could get them to do it. I mean you’re calling for advice on the wetting herself and you’re in every right to make sure she’s comfortable at school. They could easily implement extra toilet breaks and ask her every 30 mins if she needs to go. Is she staying at the same nursery or is it different one? Could also be she thinks her bladder is empty and it isn’t.

Nice to know you’re from Hillingdon, too! 🥰