A bit of background. My children are usually very well behaved, have a very good routine, bedtime, all the things you're supposed to do.
Just recently I've asked for things.... simple commands... 'It's time for bed now, let's go get ready for bed' 'Can you please stop doing XYZ as it's dangerous/unsafe because....
But they won't do it, just flat out refuse and say no to me. I don't know where it's coming from and no-matter what I do they go into crisis mode. If I say 'You need to do this please or I'll remove X' for example, or if I go the other way and say I'll reward you if you do this..... nothing works.
I get told, I'm too demanding and they need to go to their safe space to calm down. I set the safe space up as I have 1 on the send pathway but the child in question is 6 years old with no send needs. They just shutdown whenever I ask for something they aren't happy doing. I don't know what to do as it breaks my heart.
How do I get them to do their routine without the backlash of a breakdown. I speak calmly, ask politely, but if they don't want to do it, it just ends in me being the bad guy and they need to calm down from my request. It seems that I either let them do what they want or I'm an evil person. I need boundaries but I seem to have lost them somewhere and don't know how to get them back in a positive way.