Hating breastfeeding and weaning

[VS2022]

I feel horrible writing this. I have an 11 month old. He is a handful. He has refused the bottle and formula in a cup so is EBF. We had some feeding issues so at 4 months reintroducing bottle just didn’t work. I’m at a stage now where I have serious breastfeeding aversion. I hate it. It makes me resent my child and the feeling makes me feel angry. I feel like a terrible mother and that he can sense how much I hate it. It wasn’t always that way but lately I just feel like it is a soul destroying task. I am down to 4 feeds a day and largely no night feeds since I sleep trained - one of the reasons being that feeding at night destroyed me. Please tell me I am not alone.
I also am so worried about weaning. Beyond 12 months I will stop breastfeeding and I’m going back to work. I’m going to replace one feed (his post morning nap one) with a snack but beyond that don’t know how soon I can wean him down to 2 feeds then 1.
Any Help appreciated

Honestly if this is how you fell just stop now, no need to wait until 12 months. If it’s affecting your mental health and relationship with your child just stop. I stopped at 11 months for different reasons but he was still feeding like a newborn and I couldn’t imagine ever being able to actually stop but after a few days it was fine. Just offer water and hydrating foods, some cheese and yoghurt portions a day if he won’t take milk in a Cup, some cows milk in porridge etc and he will be fine. Hand express for comfort if you feel engorged. Keep you both very busy ideally out of the house for the first few days to distract and throw food at him every few hours to keep him busy and full.

I'd start now by taking him straight down for breakfast and giving him a cup of milk with his breakfast. Even better if you can get DH to give him breakfast.

Once he's got used to not having that feed, choose another and replace with a snack and drink. I'd aim to drop a feed every two weeks to reduce your risk of Mastitis, but you may want to talk to a BFC for the current guidelines and also to talk through how you're feeling about stopping

I've had quite a few friends in the same position and you just need to go away for the weekend and let your husband deal with it. Your LO will be very cross, but he'll get over it quickly if he can't smell the milk on you. and you don't want the emotional upheaval as you go back to work.

Oh and your husband will also complain and you can tell him that as you grew and gave birth to your baby it's his turn!