How do I make myself more stubborn than DS#2?

[OrmIrian]

I am not a stubborn person. By nature I tend to go with the flow, play it by ear and any other phrases that indicate general woosiness. So far it's served me well. I've yet to encounter anyone who isn't prepared to be reasonable about most things. DS#1 and DD are similar in character and they've turned into reasonable, helpful and pleasant human beings who get through life without too much hassle. DS#2 is unreasonable and stubborn as a little mule. In spades. And he is wearing me out. I have got to the point that I no longer enjoy being with him - which is sad because he can be the sweetest little child. He's the kind of boy that can make old ladies melt and even scary teenagers in the park smile at him. So when people see me dragging him along the street by his coat sleeve they naturally assume I'm a wicked mother. I can't remember the last time we left the house without him being in tears because I wouldn't let him make us all late whilst he looked for the black stegosaurus with the yellow spikes, or the big rhino (not the baby rhino, mummy, the biiig one ).

He has always been awkward. If someone goes up stairs in front of him - he will get upset. But it's not enough to wait for him to come past - you have to go down the stairs again. We used to have a policy of not sweating the small stuff. But it hasn't helped long term and now some of the stuff is just impossible. Last night he wanted his scooby doo dressing gown after his bath - it was in the washing machine (literally being swished around in soapy water as we spoke). I told him that, but he still wanted it. Can't have it, want it, can't have it, want it. So he started to howl and scream and basically put any chance of going to sleep peacefully way out of the question. Meanwhile I had DD's story to read and DS#1 to get to bed.

So. We are now at the point of clashing on everything. And I mean everything. We went out after school today and I think we had 6 rows about various things. It is exhausting. I am being totally consistent now but I can see I'm the one who'll break first - I can't cope with this for too much longer. DH is worse than me - he just shouts a lot which just makes the neighbours even more convinced they need to call in SS.

I think it might be some sort of initiative test. I'm failing.

how old is he?

my dd at 2.4 is fairly stubborn and getting more so.

i am bang smack in the middle of carrot and stick parenting which i hate. i can't see this working much longer either!

i have just bought How to Talk so Kids Will Listen but haven't read it yet.

Lots of people have recommended it tho.

He's 5 and now at school paddlechick. We thought it was just a phase but it's been going on for so long now that I think he is actually the spawn of the anti-christ.... lovely as he is

Hi my ds 4.5 yrs is exactly the same, he never ever backs down. Been there with the stairs thing.
He's also one of those sweet quite polite types. Everyone tells me "you're so lucky with ds he's so good etc"
Yes true but boy can he dig his heels in.
Unlucky for me my DH is as bad.
Will watch this with interest but have to say am at a loss as I am in similar situation.

can sympathise. my ds 2.4 is getthing this way, and also has this annoying habit of changing his mind constantly. 'Want the blue pants, no the red pants, no the blue pants...reeeeed paaaants!

am kind of ducking down as I suggest this in case it sounds a bit twee, but the book 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' has one or two good suggestions that might help. Have got a mega busy day ahead, but will try and post some of them if i get the chance. Failing that, I think it would be worth a look at on Amazon or Play or something. Sorry not to be of more immediate help.

There's also a book called something like Your Spirited Child.

It was recommended to me along with Adventures in Gentle Discipline and Unconditional Parenting plus Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.

I decided Your Spirited Child wasn't for us as dd is actually pretty good. It's me that needs to learn not to be so stroppy and stop letting my buttons gets pushed!

I think it would be good for super stubborn kids tho so might be worth a look.

HTH

'Spirited child' LOL

I suppose they couldn't call it' How to tolerate your awkward little bugger' could they?

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm glad I'm not alone. Weekend was a little more peacable. Even managed a trip to the optician for my eyetest and having some glasses fitted with him and DD without any major meltdowns (well only one). OK, there was some bribery involved but I think that's OK. But gawd it's wearing. I have to think ahead all the time.

'How to tolerate your awkward little bugger'

My ds 1 2.9 is exactly the same - the most stubborn person I've ever met. Everything has to be just so or there's hell to pay. I've had to take a certain coloured cup out of the dishwasher while it's running and wash it up for him etc etc Sometimes I can't quite believe the things I end up doing just to keep the peace, then I feel angry with myself for not standing up to him and just dealing with the inevitable tantrums. I think what I'm most scared about is what kind of person he'll turn into - that, and the fact that people may not like him and he'll end up being the boy that everyone stays away from at school. Today he kicked one of the carers at playgroup because he didn't want to go in the garden. I'm not really sure how to handle this, but some of those books sound interesting.

Sounds like a reflective listening thread.

I think the idea is you go on and on about the thing they want (until it is clearly a fantasy?), so they know you understand, then you say firmly "put your shoes on" or whatever.

I'm rubbish at it, DS says "mummy why do you keep repeating what I say and making it sound silly"...but at least that stops or delays -my- the incipient tantrum.

I had just assumed that all toddlers were like this but now I am worried that my very stubborn and certainly spirited 2.6 year old dd1 is abnormal
We have a lot of: "No, NOT the pink Peppa Pig Pants, the BLUE Peppa Pig Pants"

And "Daddy's car, NOT Mummy's car"

etc etc etc.

I am also trying not to sweat the small stuff....

Why can't I ever cross things out?

I wasn't worried about this when DS was 2 or 3. I just found it amusing and quite cute It's now when he's 5 and he's still almost as bad that it bothers me.