How do you...

[DarkChocolateMint]

Get yout little one to LISTEN!?

3yo is so so so headstrong & defiant- worst with me but she will take on her Dad and my parents too!

Looks me straight in the eye whilst doing what I asked her not to!

I try to pick my battles ( I dont sweat the small stuff) ... I think I am firm but others say I am not.

I would never ever ever hit. I try not to shout and I try to be careful what words I use.

These past few weeks have been a nightmare!

Cant get her to sit still in a restaurant this weekend, wont go to bed, she is totally in control and I dont even know how!!!!

She is always in my face which can be a bit much sometimes- even If i ask her to move back a little she just wont.

She will NOT let me do her hair without a fight I have tried everything- same goes with teeth brushing & getting dressed but she is ok with some other family or outsiders!

She is the BOSS and she is 3...... how!!!?

Help!

Where you can, I think you try to frame the situation in a way that helps you.

You can't make her go to sleep. You can make her stay in her bed (although you need to be up for calmly putting her back a lot of times at first). But equally, set her up for success. With my eldest, we would be very open that she didn't have to go to sleep right now, she could sit and look at books or play with her teddy on her bed – but she needed to stay in bed. She's got a little bedside light, so she can turn it out when she's ready, and she has a water bottle if she's thirsty. It takes a lot of the heat out of 'I'm not tired!' when mummy or daddy reply with 'that's fine, you can do X'.

Getting dressed, I'm assuming you've tried all the 'pink shirt or yellow shirt' and 'if you can't choose by the time I count to 3, then I'll choose for you' type stuff, and also making it fun, a race, being silly, and so on. If you're going somewhere she wants to go, well, you're not going until she's dressed. If she messes about, that's less time at the park. Or possibly no time at the park. 'Yes, it's sad we don't have time to go to the park now, next time let's get dressed right away so we can go.' If you need to go to the shops/drop her at nursery/whatever, then if she's not ready, she goes in pyjamas (but bring clothes). Hopefully nursery/grandparents can come on board with a mildly disapproving 'oh dear, now we'll have to go get dressed instead of starting painting' or whatever (I'd talk to them in advance if it's going to be a semi-planned thing).

Teeth I admit I just insisted on, of the yes, I will do it whilst you scream variety. What's her hair like, length, texture? Is there a relatively low-maintenance cut that might help? In your face, I'd physically move her if she doesn't move when you ask. Kindly, calmly, 'you're having a hard time listening right now, so I'm just going to help you move back' thing of thing. But it's your boundary, and you're holding it, and at three I think it's fine to physically help them when they're struggling to listen, so long as you're calm about it.