Miserable 3 year old - is it my fault?

[pickle123]

My little girl used to be so lovely and now she is the most miserable child I have ever seen. She will cry at everything and anything, if she dosent like the colour of a chair, if she cant get what she wants, if another child so much as looks at her the wrong way she starts to cry and wail. There is literally no keeping her happy. I cant help thinking its all my fault, before my 5 month old son was born she wasnt too bad, unfortunately my husband now works very very long hours and isnt here at all so im pretty much doing all on my own and I do tend to burst into tears and loose my temper alot (depending on tiredness). I have tried ignoring her but find it difficult, I dont know what to do anymore, I feel like I cant take her to kiddy groups or play centres for fear she will 'start'. The saddest thing is that she isnt a naughty child at all, she has her moments, like they all do but this constant crying is unbearable. I know she is tired alot, she gets up most days by 5.30am and nothing will get her back to sleep. Our son is breastfed and isnt sleeping through and I know he wakes her up. Is it tiredness? is it me? what do I do? I want my little girl back and miss her so much.

normal

don't stress

take her to woolie and buy her a nice new toy

normal

don't stress

take her to woolie and buy her a nice new toy

It could be a phase, it could be the birth of ds, it could be she's tired.

We have a printed timetable for ds 1 on our fridge in which I have, pictorially, plotted what he's doing that day. I have planned in 'Mummy, Ollie time' in which this is time he knows he's going to have that is purely me and him. We have planned 'daddy ollie time' also. This has worked with the not so much jealousy but the 'I have to share you now' feelings that he was having. This isn't to say that this is the only time we have but at least he knows and trusts we will have some time just the two of us. We do what he'd like in this time, stuff we find hard with ds 2 (only 20 weeks) ie, swimming, football, riding our bikes.

This is something easy to try and it's helped us. I think he feels much more secure about his place in the family adn that we do still love him tremendously!

a prgt man?????

here

sorry posted on the wrong thread

I wonder if ignoring it might be compounding the problem just a little?

Can you cuddle and reassure her and try not to burst into tears so much yourself? I know its really hard (believe me, I know!) but they are such sponges to our emotions when they're little and they do take from our lead.

I don't think her behaviour is permanent, but it would probably help if you could lighten up around her.

Of course its easy for me to say this, much harder to do when you're knackered and DP isn't there to help due to work.

I hope things improve for you.

I agree that her tears are probably a learned response from you (not blaming you, you must be feeling at the end of your tether to burst into tears) but I agree with poodle that children this age ARE sponges and they're mirrors, too, they reflect back what they see.

Lighten up is good advice; don't take things so seriously, shrug your shoulders and bit more and try to keep a sense of humour. Do a load more smiling tomorrow and I bet she will reflect it back the same day

i know this is really easy to say but harder to do; I think you are doing an awful lot on your own...can your DH take a bit of leave? Does he absolutely HAVE to work all those hours; It's about quality of life isn't it, and there's no point in him bringing home money that you just can't enjoy because either he isn't there to be with you or you're too stressed to enjoy anything anyway.....

There are days when I try so so hard to be a little lighter and there are others that it seems almost impossible. My husband was made redundant and now has a job in London which for us is over 2 hours away

BUt also I expect you're probably having some cheerful moments together during the day but because you are under pressure at the moment you're beating yourself up and remembering the bad bits of the day.

Can you talk to your DD about the one or two good things that happen each day when its all seeming to go into meltdown? To bring you both back to the positive? I don't know if that would help, but I know when I'm feeling lumpy and negative, it definitely helps me to remember 3 good things about the day instead of all the messy bad things I might be dwelling on.

Hi there pickle. First ever posting coz your message struck such a cord with me. I have the same feelings about my son (3). I've decided that my embarrassment is a huge part of it, like somehow it reflects what an awful parent I am if he isn't happy. I also want others to see how fab he is,which is difficult when he won't mix or hides away when other children come near. I think my own low self esteem doesn't help.
At the moment I deal with his 'sad' times by talking to him. I ask him if he is sad/scared/angry & ask what we could do to help him feel happy again. I tell him how gorgeous he looks with a smile. I have stopped (at last) pressurizing him to 'perform' (ie; 'say hello to , give ? a cuddle etc)
Am trying to remember that he doesn't have to behave perfectly all the time.
Avoiding playgroups all the time isn't going to allow her to learn to deal with these situations. How about going along for a short time to same one each week (familiar environment)? Even if she just clings the whole time, little by little it might help.
Finally, exhaustion doesn't help. It's impossible to make logical decisions when you're pooped & stressed. Any chance of another pair of hands occasionally?
Finally,finally.... you definitely are not alone! In my more lucid moments I know this is normal & all part of growing up.

I wonder how is this girl today as a 19 year old? I need some hope :)