Feeling hopeless with 11 week old baby

[cscj]

Hello,

I am at a complete loss with my 11 week old baby girl. She is so unsettled and I just can’t work out why. She has been this way since about 2/3 weeks of age. The older she’s getting and the more time I spend with other mums and their babies of the same age, the more it’s dawning on me that it isn’t ‘normal’ for a baby to be so unsettled. I completely understand that all babies cry / fuss / grizzle and especially so at this age, but she screams blue murder and it comes on out of nowhere. The amount of content time I get with her is so fleeting and I spend most of my time just firefighting her next meltdown.

She is EBF but in the last few weeks has plummeted with the amount she is feeding. For eg., she’s doing between 45-60 mins total in an entire day and will go for 5-6+ hours between feeds during the day. She doesn’t appear to cue me for food anymore. I have tried offering the boob much more frequently than this but she just gets cross. The reason this concerns me is because she’s not feeding briefly but seeming content. She is feeding briefly but is grizzling / fussing / crying but when I bring her back to latch on, she unlatches after 30 seconds or so and on the same cycle goes on. In the end (when her latching is for all of about 5 seconds) I resort to giving her her dummy, and she then often settles down a bit. She does not feed to sleep and does not appear to see the boob as a source of comfort.

things I have tried:

• Accepting that it’s colic (but I’m now pretty confident it isn’t colic because it’s not at set times of a day, it’s pretty much all day and at random times and often linked to feeding)
• HV suspected she had silent reflux and so she’s been on omeprazole for 3 weeks - no improvement
• GP suggested I cut dairy out of my diet and so I am currently not eating dairy or soy
• I’ve taken her to a chiropractor who has also trained in osteopath techniques
• Doing my best to watch her wake windows to ensure it’s not just over tiredness
• Used infacol & gripe water
• Kept her upright after feeds
• Try my best to burp her well
• Had her checked for tongue tie by a tongue tie specialist
• Worked with two different IBCLCs to ensure my latch etc., is all good
• Tried her on a bottle of expressed breast milk
• Tried her on a bottle of formula milk
• Feeding her in a busy room to make sure she isn’t ‘bored’
• Feeding her in a quiet, calm room to make sure she isn’t overstimulated

I honestly feel like I’ve attempted to go down every single avenue known to mankind and yet she is still such hard work and seems so frequently unhappy. I am despairing somewhat because I had been holding out for the ‘magical 12 weeks’ where people assured me she’d settle down. We’re 5 days away from that point and I simply cannot believe she’s going to just wake up as a transformed child.

Do I just have to accept that this is how she is? Or does this seem abnormal? When I spend time with other babies, I can’t help but feel as though she’s abnormally unsettled and it feels isolating to see other ‘normal’ babies. I feel like I can’t enjoy her properly and am just wishing the weeks away to an unknown point in time where she is finally happy. She was a very much wanted and planned baby and I love her so much. Part of the reason I can’t bear how unsettled she is is because I want her to be content within herself and not in any pain/discomfort. But 11 weeks in and it’s now really taking its toll on my ability to remain positive.

Has anybody else had an experience like this?

[FromWalesAndBackAgain]

My son was exactly like this for the first 4 months of his life. He was also exclusively BF and went through a few week phase of constantly unlatching after having a perfect latch - at a similar age to your LO. Dummy was the only thing that would give us a break from the crying, plus being constantly attached to us in a sling. He is 24 months now and all this seems a distant memory. Have you had a review of your omeprazole dosage, it has to be reviewed constantly against their weight range and GPs often put you on the lowest dose initially which doesn’t make much of a difference. Getting the right dose helped but the greatest difference we found was time - we didn’t get a miraculous recovery - and he is still generally a loud child and not a perfect sleeper - but he is a generally happy funny guy and we are light years away from how we felt in those first 4 months x

[Amylouz]

My 12 week old son does this all of the time and I couldn't work it out! I've realised it's because I have a fast letdown, so when it gets too much he can't stay latched, unlatches and then cries because he still wants to feed! I now hand express into a haakaa for about 2 mins and then relatch and then he's completely content feeding. Maybe worth trying this yourself? Could be why she's crying later in day as well as she's still hungry? If you do find you have a fast letdown, try also feeding in a more laidback position so they control the flow. Hope this helps!!

[cscj]

Thank you both so much for responding. You both raise great points for me to think about! I’ve just had a read about fast letdown and there’s a lot that is relevant to my situation. I think I will have a stab at assuming this is the problem and making some amendments to how I currently feed to see if this helps. If not, will get her weight updated and check omeprazole dosage with the gp!

@Amylouz - how do you find feeding in public with the expressing that you do before a feed? Does it all become quite stressful or have you got into a rhythm on that front?