Advice/help please!

[Nimko777]

Hey 👋 my first post on this site and looking for some advice please. Might be a bit long sorry.

I have 2 children. Boy (11) and girl (9). BOTH are a handful.. like extremely hyper/anger etc.. I also personally suffer with my mental health for the past 15+ years (on antidepressants) so the behaviour drains me daily.

Boy has what it looks to me as massive anger issues. Underneath all that, he is such a sweet boy. For example, if i am ill he will bring me food in bed, ask me if i need anything throughout the day etc.. He is thoughtful and caring in that way. Will always share his food with me (unlike his sister!). But on the other hand, if he can't get what he wants, the abuse starts. He will call me names (fat pig gorilla etc..) tells me he hates me.. Examples are, if i say no to chocolate, no to a takeaway, no to buying him more things for his playstation etc.. I don't know how to deal with this.

Daughter is, as horrible as it sounds, an absolute nightmare. I honestly cannot remember the last time she has been nice. She is constantly winding up her brother on purpose, which turns into them both having a full on fist fight. She has really bad attitude, talks to me as though I'm basically trash. Never listens to anything, such as won't even pick her plates up, wont put her school bag away etc.. I'm also concerned about things she does which I'm not sure is adhd or similar? She cannot sit still, she has to always be doing something with her hands (flapping or spinning a sweeping brush in the air are the main ones). She is big into skincare and makeup and is always using mine no matter how many times i say she can't. She is messy. Messy as in you cannot see her bedroom floor, draws on her cupboards or walls, ruins all her makeup by digging the powders, leaving skincare product residue all over the sink.. just leaves mess everywhere she goes. She will never brush her hair (it gets extremely knotty and takes me 1 hour to brush if she doesnt do it daily). Will scream and call me names if i talk to her or wake her for school. At the same time, i also think she is keeping a lot of emotions inside her which is why she is acting like this. A few racist comments have been made to her over the school years, which have been dealt with by the school, and other things such as losing friends/rude classmates etc.. Tried to make a doctors appointment to discuss but basically got nowhere.

I don't like portraying my children in a bad way but i am really struggling with them both and this is constant, every single day, for the past roughly 3 years. Majority of the time i actually don't like my daughter and i HATE to even think and say this as of course i love them both, but the way they behave and act is mentally draining me to the point I don't do much housework anymore as all i want to do is sleep.

Any advice or what to do would be appreciated. Thank you so much and sorry for it being so long!

Sounds as though you could do with some support.

If you are wanting to stay in bed all day and sleep, do you think you might have depression? Could you tell your GP how you're feeling?

Is your DS still in Primary and have you asked both of their Teachers if there are any behavioural problems in school?

You mention the possibility of ADHD (winding up siblings can be a sign as they get a dopamine hit from doing this). Has the school SENCO ever observed either of them?

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Nimko777 · Today 08:11

Thank you for your reply. I have previously suffered with depression for 15 years but the past year have been feeling better.

DS is in high school and when i did mention it once before to the teacher about my daughter, i was told she is fine in school no problems just a little chatterbox. So it's hard as she is a totally different child in school than she is at home. I will email the school again for a meeting or should i speak to my gp again? Just not sure where to go from here.

Definitely speak to your GP. It sounds as though you do need some MH support if you're wanting to sleep all day. I know that if I ever slip into depression I don't want to interact with the DC and I just want to sleep

If your DD is fine at school look up ASD in girls. Girls with ASD are often very well behaved in achoo as they can "mask" but you get the fall out at home.

And ask to speak to the SENCO at your DS' achoo too and tell them your concerns

Thank you. Tried to get an appointment today with the GP but they're always full within 10 minutes 🤦🏻‍♀️

Will ask the teacher regarding SENCO and will look up ASD.

Will ask the teacher regarding SENCO and will look up ASD

Definitely read up on ASD in girls, it can be very different to how boys with ASD present.

Do this simple SLT progress checkerr* for your DD too. Our DD can talk but had a particular aspect of her language missing.

And do this one for your DSS*.

Can you call back the GPs and say that you either need seeing today or you need an appointment booking for tomorrow?

Do you feel up to talking to MIND?

Thank you so much for all the information. I'm feeling okay right now, both are in school so have a bit of time to myself. Our GP onky do same day appointments and unless its an emergency i dont think they are bothered 🤦🏻‍♀️Thank you, really appreciate it ❤️