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Original poster

DS won't play

9 replies

iloveelvis · 26/03/2008 15:30

This is my 1st time on here. I logged on today as I'm feeling pretty desperate and worried. Was really encouraged to read others sharing so openly on this site. My DS is 23 months old and has never been very good at playing. His attention span is so limited. Its just not improving. He will very rarely go to his toys of his own volition and when he does its for a maximum of 1 or 2 minutes at the very most and we stand back in amazement. Things that keep him occupied by himself are playing with coins in my purse, sorting things in and out of boxes etc, Baby Mozart DVD (which he would have playing all day if he could) and running around with a football. Nothing else. He needs pretty much constant accompaniment all of the time and we're getting really worried and just a tad frustrated. We love him dearly. He's so gorgeous and such a character but we would just like to see him be just a little bit more independant and not need us to motivate him to do everything. Are we expecting too much? Does anyone else have this problem? What are we doing wrong? I'm worried we're not doing something that maybe other parents are? Any help, advice, comfort will be so gladly received.

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 26/03/2008 15:34

Ds was never very good at entertaining himself at that age and does not sound that different to your ds. He is 4.10 now and greatly improved, however he still has little interest in toys - he could sort out electrical cables (not plugged in of course) for ages or play with water or attempt to build elaborate structures out of things in the kitchen. I think toys are just not that interesting for some children. I don't think you are doing anything wrong, but not sure that you can motivate him to play more on his own.

posieflump · 26/03/2008 15:36

Can you start with getting him toy versions of the hoover or his own dustpan and brush? Then while you are cleaning he can do his own cleaning too.
My 2 liked plastic cups and saucers and pretending to make dinner at that age.
Does he like toy cars?

HonoriaGlossop · 26/03/2008 15:36

This is very similar to my ds at the same age. Similar things absorbed him - looking at coins, stacking toys, sand and water play; other than that, he would play with something for a VERY limited time - and wanted me with him, down on the floor, playing, pretty much all the time.

It is a bit wearing for the parents but I don't think it's that unusual.

Some kids do want alot of interaction.

I don't think it's something you can/need to 'train' them out of either, necessarily. Their capacity for independent play increases as and when they are READY. I felt with ds that to force the issue would be counter-productive. I played with him as much as I possibly could and it didn't make him worse or make him unable to play independently....he's six this year and can play for AGES by himself now.

Your ds sounds normal to me - a bit high maintenance, but normal!

fluffyanimal · 26/03/2008 15:37

I'm no expert but it sounds like he's playing in his own way. My ds (just 2) loves getting all the stuff out of my purse! Ball games are good - very healthy! And exploring his environment through sorting etc is quite normal - it can still be play even if it's not with a shop-bought toy. Does he go to any toddler groups or to a nursery or anything? He might benefit from seeing other little ones doing different things. I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong.

With any luck Frannyandzooey might see this thread, she's quite knowledgable about play.

bubblagirl · 26/03/2008 15:38

first thing dont blame yourself for anything they have there own minds

just try to do creative play time doesnt matter if not interested for long they rarely are at this age

how does he interract with other dc

could you go play group and leave him to own devises

my ds quite often just flits from one thing to another i was told it was normal

he tends to concentrate more and sometimes bit too much with some things but he will be 3 next month

try and just get him around other dc more if you dont already so he can learn to amuse himself with othersd but my ds is still demanding of attention to play he is only child so only has us

if too worried speak to hv how is his speech? are you worried about anything else as hv will do 2 yr check soon and you could ask her

but i think its normal behaviour imho as ds sounds similar although does have slightly more interest in toys

try starting game trains or cars lots of praise vwalking away going back and giving more praise for being such a big boy

Original poster
iloveelvis · 26/03/2008 15:48

thanks ladies for your advice and comfort. Great to hear I'm not alone. i'm going to speak to HV but am slightly worried as HV is a complete drama queen and i'm worried she'll immediately diagnose him with ADD or something. He goes to nursery 2 days a week. Interestingly, one of their goals was to improve his concentration span! He loves it there and the ladies all sing his praises. I might talk to them more about it though. I don't buy many toys now for the simple reason that he won't like them! Charity shops are a godsend! I'll get the pots and pans out more often and try and come up with some more sorting games. Thanks for all help again. Hope I can return favour. Bubblagirl - why did you ask about speech? His speech is another worry - its not that great! Only really started saying words about 2 months ago and they're not well pronounced ie hor for horse, bum for bus! dow for down, tat for cat. (I'd say he's got about 25 words). Oh gosh - is this a sign of something?

OP posts:
fluffyanimal · 27/03/2008 10:26

Don't worry about pronunciation. My ds has quite a few words but probably only my dh and I can understand him. He pronounces horse "arse" (quite funny), he likes my "da's" (glasses), he likes watching Charlie and "Yoyo" (Lola). What age group is he with at nursery? My ds just moved from the baby room into a room for 2-3 year olds and now that he's mixing with older children who talk, his speech has suddenly accelerated. This may well happen with your ds too. I have a friend with a little boy the same age who doesn't say much either. It's early days to be worrying.

SixSpotBurnet · 27/03/2008 10:29

Perhaps you just haven't found the toys yet that will really make him tick. I remember that my DS1 didn't really play by himself until he got a wooden Thomas the Tank Engine set (a cheaper version of Brio) - and that captured his imagination like nothing else had! All my three boys have loved wooden railway.

bubblagirl · 27/03/2008 16:54

oh god no but i found my ds wanted to do more when his speech started to come along

my ds is speech delayed but still found when he started getting words it made him interact more dont panic his still so young my ds didnt start singular words till 2 half and still along way off at 3 but his interacting seemed to improve with speech x

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