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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 3 year old will not go to bed

15 replies

MrsFreedy · 25/03/2008 13:47

I've got 3 year old twins who still sleep in beds the same room and do not want to be separated. Unfortunately where as my dd will happily go to bed and sleep my ds will not and once she is asleep he will come downstairs. We have tried rewards, starcharts, taking things away from him, letting him choose is own duvet cover,turnig the tv off when he comes downstair etc etc and he will not go to bed until he is ready. Some nights he will go to bed by 8:20pm but other nights if he is not tired he will not go to be until 9pm and that means he is very tired the next morning when we have to get him up for the childminder and he then makes everyone late, we don't know what to do. Has anyone else had the same problem.

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kbaby · 25/03/2008 14:01

My DD goes through phases like this too, what weve done is get her ready for bed as normal, bedtime for her is 8pm. Then we give her the option we'll leave the landing light on and her door open so that she can look at books herself in bed but if she starts coming downstairs then the light goes off and door gets shut.
It means that as she likes having the light on she knows the only way to keep it on is by staying in bed. When shes tired then we hear her put her books away and go to sleep. Some nights its 8.10pm others its 8.45pm. I always wake her up at the same time each morning so that if she is tired from staying up late I know hat that night shell be sleeping earlier.
btw shes 3.10

Original poster

MrsFreedy · 27/03/2008 15:56

Unfortuntately my 3 year old is way past that stage, he just does not want to go to bed until he is ready

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Miggsie · 27/03/2008 16:01

...may be a separation issue...see if you could get him to stay in bed if you are in the room too, maybe on a chair with the night time lighting on...not playing or interacting but just "there" then stay till he sleeps, after a few nights he may go to sleep faster.
The baby whisperer book on toddlers has a whole chapter on sleep problems just like this and she recommends making the child feel safe in theer bed first, then move on to them going to sleep on their own.

InLoveWithSweenyTodd · 27/03/2008 16:05

can't give any help, but reading avidly this thread cos I am in the same situation with dd (3.2)

InLoveWithSweenyTodd · 27/03/2008 16:23

oh dear I killed it didn't I? sorryyy

Original poster

MrsFreedy · 01/04/2008 11:43

No you have not killed it unfortunately I can only reply when I am working as this gives me time to think.

You would think that by the way ds is snuggled down in his bed with all his creature comforts, whilst we are reading their stories, he is falling asleep. I have sat with him in the past but after a while he just gets up and decides that he has had enough and plays or go downstairs. I do think that some of it is a separation issue from me and dh. Last night we all went to be early, 8pm, lights off tv off etc but until he got tired 9:30pm he just ran around in the dark in and out of our bed. Tonight we are going to move their beds around the room to see if that helps. If not then I don't know. Miggsie Thanks for the info on the baby Whisperer book on toddlers I will get it out from the library and see what it says.

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busymum1 · 01/04/2008 12:05

I always say they must stay in room lights on in landing if needed, you may have to reassure him but don't let him rule you, mine do not get any stimulation eg tv books after 8 takes a while but eventually boredom sets in, he is being rewarded at moment for gettin up as gettin attention from you even negative attention is better than nothin in his eyes I always just put mine back to bed tell them no twice then just do it in silence your dd will not be affected if she is already able to sleep through noise!

Original poster

MrsFreedy · 01/04/2008 13:43

you are right he is getting attention from us and is enjoying every minute of it, also he is not afraid of what we say or do. The putting back to bed whenever he gets out of his bed is a complete game to him. Tonight we will move the beds around and see what happens.

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busymum1 · 01/04/2008 16:26

try baby barrier on bedroom door and just leave him to it portable ones about £20 new not sure how much second hand

witchandchips · 01/04/2008 16:37

Our technique would be the cause of much sucking off teeth by all the experts and is probably a rod for our backs etc. BUT it does get our 3 year old to sleep by 8ish which is no mean feet (sp? - too tired )

anyway we have stories and then we stay with ds so long as the lights are off and he stays in bed. We don't engage or talk to him put just give him cuddles. It takes about 10 mins or so and then he is asleep. If he starts playing up we leave the room and don't come back until he has stayed in his room for 10 mins. seems to work

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 01/04/2008 16:39

busymum that is a good suggestion but doesn't work if potty trained?

Starbear · 01/04/2008 16:42

Daft suggestion but here goes. Have you worn him out enough. My DS walks everywhere and I have thrown the buggy out now. I have noticed if Granny tells him have a nap he is a nightmare at bedtime. Is he walking about during the day with the childminder? When I'm out shopping I use a trolly so I have one hand free for him. It's only an idea

witchandchips · 01/04/2008 16:48

yes if i've felt that not had enough exercise i get him peform a few circus tricks before his bath

Elk · 01/04/2008 16:56

My dd2 (aged 2.4) did this for a while (and we had slient visits in the middle of the night which was very creepy.

We put a stairgate on the door so she couldn't get out and a potty in the room (next to the nightlight) for potty trained dd1.

InLoveWithSweenyTodd · 02/04/2008 12:57

we tried leaving a light on last night and the night before (a little lamp), and dd liked that. She asked to have her bedtime book in bed with her and she pretended to read it to her teddys. It worked! I suppose the novelty will wear off soon, but for the time being it seems to do the trick.

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