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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dd wants me but doesn't seem to want dh

7 replies

heavenlylily · 25/03/2008 11:15

Recently my 13 mth old dd has started putting her arms up to be picked up for comfort and cuddles. Really cute and nice to be wanted but unfortunately she only really does it for me or my mum. Dh is getting quite upset even though he knows she is not old enough to comprehend what she is doing. She tries to actively get away from him if he is holding her when she is upset and really reaches for me. Dh keeps saying 'whats wrong with me?' and I keep saying its just a phase but'm worried because i think he is secretly really upset about it. I still bf dd and i'm sure this has lots to do with it. Has anyone else had this? Is it likely to be a phase and will I be posting in a few mths that she doesn't want me but wants dh all the time!?

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TheArmadillo · 25/03/2008 11:18

It's a phase that if not all then most children go through - prefering one carer to another.

Some then choose the other as their favourite, some just get over it. Some don't - but this is rare.

Try to let them spend time together or have a special something that only daddy does for her.

It can be upsetting, but it is normal and she will grow out of it.

GooseyLoosey · 25/03/2008 11:21

Have posted on this before as it happened to me (ds only wanted dh). It is a phase and it will pass and there is nothing wrong with dh and nothing he can really do to make it stop.

My advice is:

to appreciate how totally devasting this can be for dh.

for dh not to force the issue with your dd and upset her by trying to hug her when she doesn't want him to.

dd and dh to do something fun together that you are not involved in (painting, park, biscuit making etc) on a fairly regular basis.

IME, the phase can last a while so dh should not feel down if it does not stop straight away, but it should stop eventually.

Original poster

heavenlylily · 25/03/2008 11:22

Thanks, they do bathtime every night together and I try to stay out because if she hears my voice she gets upset that she can't see me. I need to keep encouraging dh when we are all together as he does have a tendency to sit and surf internet while I play with dd...

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 25/03/2008 11:25

Can they do something which is not part of the daily routine together as well?

emmatomATO · 25/03/2008 11:34

My dd was like this until she was about 3 despite her dad being very hands on.

Like others have said though, it is a phase.

She is now a complete daddys girl and actually said the other day (she is nearly 9) that she regrets not 'going to dad' when she was little!

woodstock3 · 29/03/2008 14:48

ds used to be like this, oddly enough when i stopped bfeeding him at 8 months he became much keener on dh....he IS highly motivated by food and i think this was about 90 per cent of it, you may well find when you stop things change

mumnanny1 · 29/03/2008 16:00

My DS was exactly like this. First only wanted to come to me and then it was DH. Then- very oddly- he would want to cuddle complete strangers and scream when I tried to prize him off them! Highly embarrassing and upsetting. Thankfully, he grew out of it. He is 2.5 and I had practically forgotten about it, so I'm sure you will too.

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