Difficult two year old - heeeellllllllp

[lucyellensmum]

My DD is 3 in July and is becoming really difficult. Difficult to please, diffficult to reason with, just plain difficult.

Everymorning, or nearly every morning she wakes up crying, either only wanting daddy or not wanting anyone. Just have to sort of sit it out. Also just recently she only wants daddy, will constantly say "i don't love my mummy" its all the time, not just when having a tantrum. She wont let me put her to bed or even read her a story, when it was always me who put her to bed, she will only have daddy. Daddy has to do everything practical, but the problem is, she wont actually let him get on with it. Decides for no reason that she couldnt possibly wear certain items of clothing and full on tantrum. It gets to the point that if i even pick up a peice of clothing or something that she starts screaming, i want my daddy to do it.

Been really difficult and tantrumy all day today (DPs birthday - great ) It is really stressing us both out.

We are blatantly not strict enough with her, DP especially and she is getting really whingy about getting her own way etc. Wont let us dress her etc etc.

I know its only normal two year old stuff, but the i don't love mummy stuff is breaking my heart. She is my reason for living and it hurts when she pushes me away - i tried to give her a kiss last night (wouldnt let me give her bottle or put her to bed) she said mummy have kiss, i went to kiss her, she said, no you kiss daddy, so kissed daddy, i said i still like a kiss, she told me, no you go and kiss bob (our dog ) Did the same tonight - it makes my stomach twist when she does this. I'm not a shouty screamy mummy or anything, but i can feel myself detaching when she does this as i feel like a spare part.

She is not at play school yet, and is only due to start in september. I have her name down but they will only take them then. I would put her somewhere earlier but i dont want to chop and change things for her - but im honestly at the end of my tether, she is driving me, and DP, nuts.

I want my lovable (OK well she still is VERY lovable) happy little girl back

What happens when daddy not there? I have the flip side of the coin where DD2 won't have daddy anywhere near her, everything has to be done by me, but only when I'm around! If I go out after the initial leaving tantrum she turns into daddys little girl!

She is a lot easier to be honest, she still tantrums but we get on well. Trouble is daddy is "working from home" just at the moment so doesnt help, as always asking for daddy.

Has she worked out that mummy and daddy do things differently/have different rules? If this is the case, then she is probably feeling insecure and is testing the boundaries.
2 yr olds need firm, consistant boundaries in order to feel safe.
They need routine -to know what is "happening next" in order to feel safe.

Is she getting enough sleep?.

And - it is normal - the terrible twos is so named because it is normal - and it is a phase and it will improve.

The most important thing is to be strong, present a united front, and remember you are the adults and you make the decisions.
She doesn't actually want to be in charge of what happens - that is scary.

HTH - mine were all difficult at 2, and I bet everyone else on here will say the same.

3 little frogs, i am smiling because that is exactly what a dog pyschiatrist told us about a problem dog we had a few years back, the thing about them actually feeling more secure if they dont have to make the decisions. You are right though, its just a case of persuading DP. He is putty in her hands. He has the attitude "is it worth making her cry" well, maybe not, but i actually think it makes her cry more, iyswim, its like when something doesnt go her way its like "i don't beliiieeeeeeeeve" that im not allowed another chocolate bar, i cant jump on the bed, i have to wear my coat etc etc etc

But she needs daddy to be an adult/parent, not a playmate. (Actually - small children are a lot like puppies - in the nicest possible way, of course ).

couldn't agree more - he keeps saying we must be stricter but hey ho

That sounds like he really means you must be stricter, solve the problem, so that he can carry on not taking responsibility. After all it is much easier not to do the difficult bits of parenting .... He needs to get to grips with this now - he has a very important role in your dd's life and he needs to step up to the line.

i hate to admit it, but i think you might be right, he is a lovely caring daddy, but does tend to take the line of least resistence