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High needs 3 year old!

5 replies

Bookworm05 · 24/02/2024 18:21

Hello,

My DD is 3 years 4 months old. I love her to bits but she has always been high needs! Nothing has come easily or early. She was a late crawler, walker, talker (diagnosed speech delay) and has never been a good sleeper. She cried and screamed a lot as a baby.

She went to the childminder for three days a week since she was 10 months old and started preschool around 6 weeks ago, she goes there 3 days a week. Since starting nursery she has started hitting and really shouting at other children, both at nursery and when we see friends outside of nursery. I feel like gentle parenting strategies aren't working. I'm having the same talk with her, and removing her from the situation over and over and it doesn't seem to be sinking in. She has also started having the biggest tantrums about the slightest thing e.g. today she made a den with her dad and when they tidied it away, he didn't put a cushion back correctly, which she really shouted at him for. She is also highly sensitive to how things feel e.g. after going to the toilet, she always shouts and cries that she has wee in her pants even though I supervise her wiping.

My partner (her dad) and I are very much on the same page, and try to be firm but fair. Will she ever stop hitting and shouting?? Will the tantrums ever end? I just want her to be kind! I feel like I'm the parent of THAT child. We had planned on having two but we both feel at our limit with DD, and I'm feeling really sad about it. I feel like a bad parent but am really trying my best. I'm a teacher myself and love working with children but this isn't how I had imagined feeling as a parent.

I have always questioned whether she could be neuro diverse. I teach a tricky Y2 class 2 days a week and after working and then looking after my own DD I just feel emotionally spent.

If you've made it this far, thank you so much. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Berosey54432 · 24/02/2024 21:04

Hi I completely understand how you are feeling I really sympathise it is tricky juggling everything. From your message it says that she’s started doing these things I’m assuming that means it’s relatively new? Perhaps it’s a lot for her maybe she’s feeling over stimulated especially if she’s having to adapt to a new environment and expectations. Have you tried giving her vitamins in case she’s lacking in some deficiency? Might be worth a shot!

Bookworm05 · 24/02/2024 22:22

Thank you for posting back! I think you're right, she has caught all the germs since starting preschool six weeks ago and has been quite unwell on and off since starting really. But yes she is on vitamins and has her jabs in a couple of weeks. Hopefully she will settle in and learn that there are better ways of dealing with thing. The teacher has only told us about the hitting and shouting once so hopefully it hasn't happened since then. It's just the hitting her friends when I'm there which I'm finding quite tricky! My partner has suggested maybe a naughty step but I'm a bit hesitant as I would rather she learn not to do it because it is unkind rather than to avoid the step! Thank you for your thoughts xx

OP posts:
Berosey54432 · 24/02/2024 22:28

Bookworm05 · 24/02/2024 22:22

Thank you for posting back! I think you're right, she has caught all the germs since starting preschool six weeks ago and has been quite unwell on and off since starting really. But yes she is on vitamins and has her jabs in a couple of weeks. Hopefully she will settle in and learn that there are better ways of dealing with thing. The teacher has only told us about the hitting and shouting once so hopefully it hasn't happened since then. It's just the hitting her friends when I'm there which I'm finding quite tricky! My partner has suggested maybe a naughty step but I'm a bit hesitant as I would rather she learn not to do it because it is unkind rather than to avoid the step! Thank you for your thoughts xx

I’m no expert but I would say it’s more likely to be a phase she’s pushing boundaries to see what she can get away with. Plus if she is an only child at home and everything she has is her own why would she want to share and take turns?! I’m sure your doing a great job and she maybe just needs time to work through her emotions xx

Bookworm05 · 24/02/2024 22:33

Haha that is very true - sharing is absolutely what the hitting and shouting is over! Thank you so much, I think you're right. She is so strong willed and more fiery than I am, it's quite a surprise!! 😂I need to channel my inner patience 😅 thanks again xx

OP posts:
Berosey54432 · 24/02/2024 22:39

Bookworm05 · 24/02/2024 22:33

Haha that is very true - sharing is absolutely what the hitting and shouting is over! Thank you so much, I think you're right. She is so strong willed and more fiery than I am, it's quite a surprise!! 😂I need to channel my inner patience 😅 thanks again xx

Glad I could help… sometimes you just need some reassurance from a stranger that knows absolutely nothing about you as being a parent we over analyse every little thing it’s exhausting! Xx

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