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Original poster

Do you agree when someone says of a 'naughty' child "Oh, they're ready for school"?

32 replies

notnowbernard · 24/03/2008 19:32

Just wondering as a couple of people have said this to me about dd1 (4.4)

She is going through a bit of a phase atm... stroppy, shouting, stamping-feet, being rude to people

I have no idea, and wondered what people thought

Is that theory way off the mark? Are people saying it to be kind, in order to excuse dd's behaviour?!

She is due to start school in SEptember, btw

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Othersideofthechannel · 24/03/2008 19:37

What's that comment supposed to mean? That she needs extra discipline or extra-stimulation?

She sounds like a normal four year old to me!

Original poster
notnowbernard · 24/03/2008 19:44

I think they meant she will benefit from the stimulation

Does her behaviour sound normal? She is my PFB! All I know is that she has almost all of a sudden entered this incredibly stroppy phase... it's almost like being around a teenager

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Othersideofthechannel · 24/03/2008 19:50

Well, DS is just five so I have lurked on a fair few threads about 4 yr olds. Seems to be pretty common behaviour. I wouldn't worry if she isn't like that all the time.

Othersideofthechannel · 24/03/2008 19:53

Perhaps people are saying it because when they are a witness to that sort of behaviour they don't know what to say. It's not the sort of thing that you can pretend didn't happen so maybe it's a way of acknowledging the behaviour without passing any kind of strong judgement.

yurt1 · 24/03/2008 19:56

I think it's kind of true in some cases. Have seen a few children outgrow nursery and seem to need a bit more in the way of structure etc. Was certainly true of ds2. (And he loved school from the moment he got there). They're so knackered when they start school that you get terrible behaviour in the evenings for a while though

mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime · 24/03/2008 19:57

Yes I do! My niece is 3.5 and she is definately ready for school (part time starting in Sept)as she is a little madam at the moment, she thinks she is the boss and has many tantrums and tries to control situations.
I don't think she is 'naughty' just in need of some routine, discipline and to realise she can't twist everyone around her little finger!

Original poster
notnowbernard · 24/03/2008 19:58

I am personally finding this the toughest phase yet. 2.6 - 3.0 I thought was hard but that was more of an attention thing (crap listening, running off when out, arrival of new sibling)

This is more 'in your face' behaviour... shouting AT me as opposed to just shouting/being loud, backchat, stamping feet, slamming doors etc etc

She is a really lovely, funny girl a lot of the time and we do get on well

But the kicking-off thing is challenging, to say the least! Especially in public or at friends houses

I am sceptical of the "needs school" theory

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Othersideofthechannel · 24/03/2008 20:07

It helps if you can see her feelings and opinions as valid (whatever they are) and your role to teach/show how to express them in a more acceptable manner.

I am not patient enough to do this all of the time but seem to manage regularly enough for it to rub off on DS. (Or maybe it is just because he has turned 5!)

newgirl · 24/03/2008 20:18

perhaps they mean she is bored and is ready for the company of others her age every day and the stimulation school gives

it probably also means 'stop gassing and look after your child'

Original poster
notnowbernard · 24/03/2008 20:31

OSOTC - I try to do the validating feelings thing, too... though probably not as often as I should

Yurt - dp thinks she's outgrown nursery

My Mum is one who has said it. She looks after her a day a week when I'm at work. Her behaviour can be the same with her as with me (wondering if this is a good or a bad thing?!)

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Celery · 24/03/2008 20:36

It was certainly true with my first born, and I suspect (hope?) it will be the case for my no. 2.

First born was very difficult at 4, very disruptive at preschool, labelled a troublemaker. It really annoyed me when people told me he was ready for school, but with hindsight, I realise he was. His behaviour improved dramatically. Not so much in reception, but certainly in year 1. My DD is now 4 and equally challenging, but in different ways. I'm hoping that school will be the making of her too. They are both at the older end of their year group.

Original poster
notnowbernard · 24/03/2008 20:46

Celery, that's interesting... dd is also at older end of year group

She is apparently 'well-behaved' at nursery

Her concentration is really good atm. She can sit and draw/colour-in/'write' for ages

She just has the capacity to "go right into one" (to quote dp) at the drop of a hat

Mini-meltdowns over NOTHING (imo, I know i.e, being given a blue cup rather than a yellow one

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Othersideofthechannel · 25/03/2008 05:39

When tired or hungry DS is capable of going into a meltdown over the wrong colour cup. It's the sort of thing that you accept when they are 3 but somehow seems a bit immature when they are well into being 4.

Have you read 'how to talk so kids will listen'? I found the approach useful for diffusing situations when it was impossible to have the right colour cup or when you have run out of their favourite cereal.

I think it is a good sign she is like this with your mum, shows she has the confidence in your mum's love for her.

kbaby · 25/03/2008 09:10

I think its more than likely the age she's at.
DD 3.10 is exactly the same, has no patience and has started stropping with door slamming included.
They start nursery school earlier in wales so shes been going every afternoon since sept. The teacher says she is well mannered and kind in school so only like it at home and she has only really been like it since xmas. Which is why I think its a phase/age

juuule · 25/03/2008 09:21

I agree with you kbaby. I think it's an age/phase not necessarilly an indicator that they need to go to school.

Whizzz · 25/03/2008 09:33

I realise I am playing devils advocate here but why should it be down to the school to modify childrens beahviour (at whatever age) ?

bozza · 25/03/2008 09:40

I think that sometimes when they go to nursery they have used all their good behaviour up and their behaviour at home can be worse - sort of like a backlash. The conforming and learning etc that happens at nursery takes a lot out of them mentally and emotionally at this age and somtimes this can cause a reaction.

I do think though that mainly it is an age/stage thing. Yurt is right though, DS was exhausted when he started school, to my surprise and we definitely bore the brunt of that at home.

Original poster
notnowbernard · 25/03/2008 09:54

Whizz - I don't agree that it is the responsibility of school to modify a child's behaviour

But I can see the rationale of how school might go further in providing more structure, or in some cases stimulation, than say nursery or pre-school

Whether this is the case for my dd or not, I'm not sure

OSOTC - I agree with you totally! At 3 was well able to accept the wrong colour cup etc meltdowns... thought she'd left that behind come 4, but no...it's popped up again! Tiredeness is a big thing with dd as well. I have heard about that book and may well look it up

Thanks all for opinions, it's helpful

OP posts:
Celery · 25/03/2008 10:26

It's not the responsibility of school to modify a child's behaviour, but some children do just thrive on the stimulation that school provides. Just as some children aren't suited to the school environment.

Othersideofthechannel · 25/03/2008 13:06

There are quite a few threads on 'how to talk' already but the thing that helps us avoid a lot of wrong colour cup meltdowns is granting them their wishes in fantasy...

IIRC:

child: I'd like xxxx cereal please
parent: Oh, we finished that yesterday and we haven't been shopping yet
child: But I WANT xxxxx cereal
parent: Wouldn't it be great if they really huge boxes of xxxx cereal, so big that we would need a special cupboard just for that box
child: so big that it wouldn't fit in the car and a truck would deliver it to our house
(child helps itself to YYYYY cereal while imagining the colour of the truck etc)

It's a bit corny but surprisingly successful in this house.

Original poster
notnowbernard · 25/03/2008 16:10

OSOTC - have browsed a few old threads, thankyou

Will definitely try and read the book.

She's been just lovely today! I wish I could get away with being so inconsistent

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BITCAT · 25/03/2008 16:21

I think a lot of it is boredom, and hence thats why people say things like that also my dd1 was always in need of attention and played up quite a lot..but she was very clever too!! once she went to nursery which i feel she was ready for a year before she went, she changed it kept her mind busy, she had her own little friends. I think some children are possibly ready for school/nursery much before they start..

BITCAT · 25/03/2008 16:25

Yes Celery i agree, i think some children do thrive on the input they get from school/nursery..so much information can be stored in there heads and they pick things up so quickly too!! far better than us adults. They are so curious at that age too, they want to know about everything!!

Kindereggsurpise · 25/03/2008 16:31

I know that the last few months before DD started kindergarten that she was quite difficult, I put this down to her just not getting enough stimulation at home. She was just over 3yo.

She is due to start school in August (age 6yo) and is quite narky at the moment. I have also noticed that she has changed in the past months, she is definately ready for school now and raring to go. I think that she is ready for more challenge than kindergarten can offer her.

BITCAT · 25/03/2008 16:45

Yes it sounds just like my little dd1, she changed a lot once school came..there little brains crave so much information!! Its not really naughtiness more just boredom, and curiousty.