Separation anxiety

[Gentlydoesit2]

DS, 6 has separation anxiety. He's had it for years, we know and understand why and DH and I are very respectful of it (We practice respectful/gentle parenting)

As a married couple, we have not had an evening out together in over two years and DS won't entertain the idea.

We only have playdates at our house because he won't stay at other people's houses without one of us staying too which is a bit awkward when you don't really know the parents!! I've stayed at 3 playdates and it's been fine but I feel after he's been there once, if he wants to go back I should be able to leave him?? I know I wouldn't want the mum/dad at every one!

He stays after school for sports activities but we've stopped any other sessions that involve us not being in the same room as him (swimming/Beavers) as he gets very upset even if we stay for the first 5/10 minutes.

Any advice on how to manage this? How to improve his confidence with being left?
Is it something he'll just grow out of?

I feel like he's missing out and will miss out on so much because of it. I just want to help him through it

Thanks for reading

Hi, I’m in a similar situation except little man is 5. He will make himself sick if I go out without him or if I’m gone to work before he’s awake. Yesterday I counted 25 times he climbed on me for cuddles on my knee. I feel touched out !!!!

My suggestion would be to not stay the first 5-10 minutes. If possible, have another parent arrange a lift share so they take him and you pick up. Don't stay for stuff, just reassure you'll be back at the end to collect him, let the leaders of clubs know, and ask that if possible one can collect at the door and take him inside.
Most club leaders are pretty adept at dealing with kids who're a bit anxious, but it's much harder when their parents are lingering and it actively prevents them settling and getting involved in games. It means the kids are actively looking for them all the time, and it makes them more anxious when they leave, and usually makes for double the crying and clingyness. Try handing over at the door and let the leaders know that he may be anxious in advance. Prep him at home, but ultimately make him try things on his own for a few sessions.

I'd include playdates in this, but perhaps try to have them somewhere neutral - eg you take your Jimmy to the park, when you meet Timmy and his mum, who'll be looking after him for an hour, and you then pick him up, initially from the park, then you can build up to dropped off at the park but going back to Timmy's afterwards to play for another twenty minutes, then you pick up. Then you can build up to going to Timmy's house for the afternoon.
Or, just go, arrange a babysitting he's met before, go 'mummy and daddy are going out. Aunty Jessy will be looking after you and she'll put you to bed' and then leave. You can still be respectful/ gentle parent and say things like 'I know you'll miss us, but we are still going out, Aunty Jessy will look after you and we will see you in the morning'.