4 year old behaviour - any tips?!

[bakingmummy21]

DS has recently turned 4, he has always been quite challenging and I am speaking to the HV for a 4 year assessment but I recognise it could just be his age. Preschool haven’t raised any concerns but I think my biggest issue is he doesn’t listen so at home we have to ask him multiple times to do things. When he acknowledges he then ignores us half the time so I spend half my life saying his name and repeating things. I also then get very frustrated and often end up shouting, which I realise doesn’t help anything.
I feel our parenting approach is part of the issue and I’d like to be able to change that.
Looking for any advice - how do I deal with the not listening and not following requests to do things?! I have tried getting on his level and asking gently but he’s always on the move and into somethjng so he often just wanders off or he answers my question by saying something completely random and off topic 🤣

I think part of it is definitely the age – our priorities are not their priorities! – but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

If I'm being ignored or she's all over the place, I will gently hold my daughter's shoulders and ask her to look at me when I'm down on her level asking her to do something. We also still use a lot of choices, and if she doesn't do as asked in a reasonable amount of time, then I choose for her (with a warning that I will do so). I never deliberately choose something she doesn't like, but the loss of the chance to choose herself is still reasonably motivating.

With the frustration and shouting, I try to intervene before I get to that point. 'You're having trouble doing X, so I'm going to help you', and physically get her dressed, help her tidy up (my hands physically over hers if necessary), as I would a younger child. She's physically capable of doing those things, but emotionally isn't at that moment. Sometimes this involves loud protests, flopping to the floor, etc. That's fine – she's allowed to dislike my decision and express that (within limits, I wouldn't tolerate hitting, for example) – but it's still happening. I find the actually doing something helps me stay calm about it.