2.5 year old rejected early help

[Lll898]

Hi

My son who is 32 months old, health visitor referred to early help and they have rejected the referral, but if my son is affecting my mental health then they will help.

To give background sorry this maybe long.
My son is my second child, older brother (12) and he has a younger brother who is 20 months old.
( My ex husband and me do 50/50 for 12 year old)

My middle son has had some issues picked up for past 18 months or so.
He has never slept which doesn't help matters, he used to attack his younger brother now his brother can defend himself this has reduced. He goes to a childminder who is wonderful he has been asked to leave a toddler club. He hates change has extreme tantrums if anything changes and taking him out shopping centres soft plays tantrums asks for help says he is scared, he is ok in my usual supermarket but there only.
Taking him out is really hard work, he does not respond to stop wait and with two walking toddlers it's impossible to keep him safe.

This weekend was really hard. Took both of the younger boys to local country park no open water no direct access to roads which is one of the only places I can go with them, I lost my son luckily he was in a bright orange puddle suit so found him with help he just runs off, backpack or reins is a no he just melts down and the longest before I gave up was 37 mins start to getting back in car in which time he made himself sick just over reins wrist link I have tried, then on Sunday I tried taking him this time with dad ( also partner) to walk around the block, turned into a turning would not normally as ahead couldn't get around van being unloaded he threw into a meltdown wouldn't walk throwing himself on the ground screaming to point a lady came out of her house to check what was going on, this continued for another 30mins or so when home he still wouldn't calm down it took him to be sick to stop then he was upset.

We have been referred to family action previously they took us through helping pointers etc nothing changed family action support worker witnessed all of his behaviour they referred him to gp with referral letter referred to camhs by GP current wait is 18 months to 2 years. Health Visitor has been great and has made a referral to early help which has been rejected.

Is he affecting my mental health -possibly,
I am a prisoner virtually in my own home taking him out is so hard, recently we went to a country park close to my mums and three adults and he was still hard to control.
We live in a flat it's a H/A flat bidding on houses so maybe one day I cannot afford to privately rent. I am grateful for my flat I went through a vile divorce a few years ago which left me virtually homeless as it was my ex husbands home. Myself and my partner both work childminder does only have my boys and her own daughter. So I'm lucky.

So I'm stuck If I take him out I struggle so much to keep him safe as he just does not respond. Keeping him in with no outside space over the course of a weekend can make his behaviour worse.

His younger brother behaviour is no concern and he is meeting his milestones.

Do I call and say yes his affecting my mental health or just wait for camhs any advice gratefully received

I would absolutely make that call in your position. I can't see how his behaviour wouldn't affect you.

Has the HV explained the process for an assessment for ASD in your area? Is seeing Early Help part of that process?

If you head in over to the Sn section there will be some MNers in there who have experienced similar and may be able to give suggestions on how to cope

@ThatFunnyRedCat I would start your own thread.

@Lll898 did you manage to make the call?

Hi, no I haven't called them as yet.

I plan to call them tomorrow or Thursday I've spoken to my health visitor some more today and asked what else can be done for him.
And she has informed that all the waiting lists locally are very long so early help was the best option as the wait is minimal.

And she has informed that all the waiting lists locally are very long so early help was the best option as the wait is minimal

That must be frustrating for you. The lists are long but they're even longer if she won't refer you and get you onto the lists.

Has she said when she wants to see DS again? If not, I'd call her back and ask to make an appointment to see him again, maybe in a month? Whilst you want first the appointment with her fill in the 36 month Ages & Stages and the 36 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

Our HV similarly fobbed us off and wants kern to do follow ups. Has she asked us to fill in those two Ages & Stages at that age we would have got an assessment much sooner.

Hi thanks for reply it's not the health visitor she has been great referred us to Family Action and they wrote a referral letter to gp to say child needs referral to camhs / behaviour pediatrician. Health Visitor re visited explained about the wait time to see camhs etc and she then put in a referral for early help.
Early help has refused to see him unless affecting my mental health.

Well today, weather has been pleasant so I took the boys to the park, managed to get into the playground area without too many issues. Time to leave which went fine. My son then ran and I mean ran the length of the park field not once stopping to turn I'm screaming his name and stop or wait, I'm so lucky he is within touching distance of the gate, a couple came around the corner and stopped him or he would have been out onto the road. When I knew he was safe still going as fast as me and my youngest could go I got my phone on record and placed in my pocket so I least have recent evidence the woman who stopped him clearly says his a handful struggling to keep him in the grounds. He did have a new link on his arm to stop him running which he slipped as trying to get this back on full meltdown kicks in. All recorded sound footage some clips depending on angle as phone is in my pocket. She then helps me to the car and I thank her so much. We then drive McDonald's myself and partner should have had a take away this evening so we usually treat boys to McDonald's when we do, Again so thank full to a employee of McDonald's all was fine until his toy fell on floor, tray then went flying off table full meltdown in McDonald's my youngest being attended to my employee whilst dealing with the meltdown. The employee who helped me actually gave me a refund on my meals, as she said you haven't eaten anything and then how do you cope, I don't I replied.
That was it got boys in car and finally finally broke in floods of tears in car park I can't do this I screamed who can't take there kids to the park or McDonald's.

I have early help calling me back on Tuesday I have video footage of the park, receipt from McDonald's for refund, and I will actually say yes it's broke me so help please.

I hope you get some support when they call you on Tuesday