My child is perfect, I'm the problem!

[Brolly28]

Hi Guys,
My little boy will be 3 and a half in March and I'm getting more and more convinced that he's on the spectrum! Nothing wrong with that, he's been referred, the ball is rolling so to speak so nothing to do in that department apart from wait and continue to help him thrive and develop the way we are doing at the moment. The problem is me, my anxiety, my outlook on it all, my concerns etc. It's effecting everything, I can't concentrate on anything else, sleep is poor, comfort eating, feeling even more awful as now my clothes don't fit! I guess I'm after advice on how to get my head around this and stop analysing him and just enjoy him because he is the most beautiful, fun, loving, affectionate little man! I adore him and I'm bloody cross at myself for getting this annoyed over a possible diagnosis that won't even change my little boy. I really don't know if any of this makes sense! Guess just wondering how you dealt with the possibility of a diagnosis as a parent.

Come on over to the SN section @Brolly28. There will be MNers in there who are either waiting fir a diagnosis or have received one and will know how you're feeling

Thank you @CadyEastman xx

This same thing happened to me after I got diagnosis for my eldest. Before then my tolerance for stress was so much bigger, as soon as he got diagnosis and it said on the report 'he will struggle and need help all his life ' I suddenly felt like I needed to shelter him from EVERYTHING. Before he got diagnosis I was out every day going to children's centres, taking him to nursery - even though it was a massive struggle, it would take us so long to get there because of various things, he would arch his back and get on the ground, he would refuse to walk. But I'd still do it , after he got diagnosis I was terrified I was traumatising him. I stopped doing everything and got really depressed, we hardly left the house cause I couldn't handle the anxiety. With autism you do parent differently but it really detached me from reality and I felt if he was slightly uncomfortable with anything then we shouldn't do it.

He is 9 now and was diagnosed at 4 I am still now trying to change my mindset of it all. I am still crying each night with fears Im the worst ever and not good enough to be his mum it's really difficult especially with all these different methods of parenting we see online. If you need any specific advice or just want to vent you are welcome to PM me 💖

Aww @Mumtoboys1 you sound like a fantastic mum! The fact you are concerned and care about not doing enough and want to make sure he is always comfortable, that to me means you are doing more than enough.
It's so so hard, I totally understand the sheltering thing. That was me the first 2-2.5 years, I've only just started venturing out to places, and only really in the past 6 months taking him places by myself. Having the confidence to do it and believe in myself that I can cope if things start to get difficult. I guess all my anxiety is down to belief in myself that I can do this, that I'm good enough to be his mum and make the best decisions for him! I totally understand that feeling. Thanks so much for your reply, it's just nice to talk to other people and know you're not on your own, that what you're feeling is actually normal. 💖