8 year old son having regular tantrums

[Chef83]

Anyone else have an older child who has regular tantrums?

My 8 year is otherwise an ordinary kid who has no additional needs diagnosed and gets great reports at school and from all his extracurricular clubs…. But he has tantrums on a regular (multiple times a week) basis. It’s so exhausting to parent him. It’s usually over something he doesn’t want to do like go to bed, finish screen time etc. He gets so upset and angry like the world is going to end for him. He’s always done this I just thought he’d grow out of it by now. We talk about emotions with him and I’ve read him books about kids dealing with big emotions but nothing really helps. Anyone else with experience of this and when did your big kid grow out of tantrums?

How much screen time does he get and what's he doing in the screens? At 8 my DS was horrific if he'd had too much time.

@CadyEastman it’s hard to say exactly. He does his clubs and sports after school and then he gets his choosing time so he always chooses either playing the Switch or watching videos on his tablet. Yeah I don’t think screen helps. But then we’re not going to get rid of it completely. Also, sometimes his behaviour is worse if he’s at home and not occupied as he gets hyper with his little brothers so it’s a catch 22 but sometimes better to have him on a screen.

I can understand that he's occupied and quieter if he's in a screen, the problems for us started when he had to come off those screens.

Our DS was later diagnosed with ADHD. DC with ADHD can often wind up their siblings simply for the Dopamine hit. Mine are old enough now for me to say stop winding up your sibling, go for a run or get your Dopamine somewhere else.

Don't suppose that's really an option at 8.

I'd read up on ADHD. People often assume it's disruptive boys but mine is very quiet and was diagnosed with mainly the inattentive type.

If you can, do things like a work out with him on TV, Joe Wickes has loads on kid friendly ones on YouTube or start the C25K with him now that the evenings are getting lighter.

Have you spoken to the school yet? It might be worth asking his Teacher if she's noticed a little immaturity around emotions.

thanks @CadyEastman. What you say is interesting. I've always wondered about ADHD but the GP says no because it's only us at home that notice this behaviour and not school. They wouldn't refer us. We have chatted to his teachers but the only thing they notice is his tics (he used to have many, they were really bad, and just recently he's got it down to one thank god). His teacher was good and wrote us a letter to take to the GP about getting a referral for that, just need to make the GP appointment now as we think he may have Tourettes. Other that the tics, they talk like he's a model student. I just don't understand how he could switch it off and at school and act so normal but then make it impossible for us at home with his behaviour.

Yes the problem for us is when he has to come off the screen too. I believe the screen has a lot to answer for too (his favourite is YouTube Kids and these constant short videos and shouty YouTubers are not good for his attention I don't think). Yes he definitely winds up his brothers (3 YO twins) from the moment he see them he's so hyper, either being really loud and silly and making them laugh or making them cry, so that rings true what you say. I never thought about it like he was fulfilling the need for some kind of dopamine hit.

What age was your boy diagnosed at? Was to easy to get him a referral? and do you have some support in place now he has a diagnosis?

Good idea about the Joe Wicks videos, we did them during lockdown with him but we could start it again. It's just hard to juggle him and the twins...

We have a 7 year old who used to do this after too much screen time..now he gets 1 hour screen time after school before tea then toys play only..now he has after school activities we have cut it out some days altogether..he likes his DS but tv bores him now

DS was also a model student. What are his school reports like? DS' we're classic ADHD "bright but could try harder".