Early wakes leading to tantrums and terrible behaviour

[IDontLikeMondays88]

My little boy doesn’t always wake early but if he does wake after about 4am there is no chance of his going back to sleep.

previously we would just get up with him but have tried to instill some boundaries. We bought a gro clock and it is set for 6.30. The rule is we don’t get up before 6.30.

however this is not entirely working. If he does wake up before 6.30 he will argue with me that the clock is orange for morning when it’s actually not. He will shout, scream, tantrum, jump on our bed. Turn all the lights on. Kick and hit. On occasion he has deliberately wet himself which of course makes us get up.

i feel like he is running circles around us and that we are failing as parents a bit.

using the gro clock and setting a boundary that we don’t get up till 6.30 is actually making things worse instead of better. And I get no more sleep anyway.

would really like to hear any suggestions of how to
make this better.

hes 3.5 and I can see some of the behaviour is that he’s tired, but this is frequently making
mornings so stressful for us.

That sounds tough. There used to be some information on early Ealing's if I remember in the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers.

Does he go back to sleep if you put him in bed with you? I know some people are dead against this but I've usually gone with the method that gets everyone the most amount of sleep

If he's wetting himself to get you up, does he have a potty on his room? If he's wet do you change the bedding and then tell him it's still night time and time for bed?

I used to have a couple of books for them and a no spill drink by the bed so they could help themselves and a potty on the floor for them to use.

Is he eating enough in the day too? Sometimes they can wake early because they need a bit more to eat in the day or the balance of food correcting.

This guide from the Caroline Walker Trust gives sample menus and suggested portion sizes.

So it depends on what time he gets up. Up till about 4 he will come into bed with us and go back to sleep which is fine. After that time he almost can’t get himself back to sleep and just creates havoc until we get up.

re the potty there is a toilet right next to his room. He is deliberately weeing so we get up iyswim it’s not that he’s desperate or doesn’t have access to a loo.

so I think what usually happens is that we get up to change the sheets and end up then just getting up - he gets a big reaction from doing this but it’s hard not to give the reaction.

I think you are expecting too much from a 3.5 year old to be honest. He won't be deliberately wetting himself to get you up. But he might be wetting himself out of frustration and hysteria because you aren't meeting his need to get up. He just feels ignored.

You have to just get up with him and let him ride this phase out. It will pass.

I'd personally just let him sleep in my bed and worry about changing that when he is older if this is something that helps? If he is wide awake at 4am then he obviously isn't tired. Yes it's a pain. It isn't out of the ordinary for kids to only need 9 hours sleep at that age. What time does he go to bed?

I've been there I do sympathise but you just need to take the right approach you can't force anyone to sleep.

So we will let him sleep in our bed but often he just won’t go back to sleep if he wakes up at 4 or after.

he is tired when he wakes up at this time - he looks tired and can be very grumpy all day. he also might need to nap during the day as he’s been up so early.

he goes to bed about 7.30/8

I doubt he's weeing on person either. He might be weeing because he hasn't got the ability to hold his bladder overnight or he could be unwell, cold or distressed.

It's extremely unlikely he's doing it to be naughty. This article on children being naighty might explain it better

Hi, he 100% has the ability to hold his wee overnight because he usually does and just goes for a wee in the loo when he gets up.

he only wees when he has woken early and has tried all other methods to get us to get up. So maybe that is distress rather than being “naughty” but it is not to do with not being able to hold his wee.

sorry if that sounds narky - I suppose I am just saying he has the ability to be dry overnight. He’s not waking up wet. He’s also not ill when this is happening.

from what I can gather people think we just need to get up with him even if it’s 4am.

its just difficult - we both work etc and its knackering.

I've not suggested that at all. I've recommended a book on sleep for that age that gives tips on early waking and asked if he's getting enough food in the day as they can impact on what time they wake. I've also included a link to a guide that gives guidelines in what they should be eating at that age so you can check.