4 year old doesn't have friends

[HolyMoly24]

I'm a little worried about my 4 year old DD (5 in April) not having any friends in school. She had a "best friend" in nursery last year and they played exclusively together despite me encouraging her to include others.

However her friend was put into a different class for reception and my DD hasn't made friends with anyone since. She says she asks to play with other children but they turn her away (I'm not sure if this is true or if it's just for dramatic effect). Her teacher says she's fine socially and flits between everyone playing.

I've noticed in birthday parties my DD is on her own running around the play centre while other girls are in pairs or little groups.

Her interests are a bit niche for her age, she loves all things spooky and Wednesday Addams. But she would just as happily play house, princesses, superheroes etc given the chance.

I'm going to start her in one or two clubs soon to hopefully help her form some friendships.

Is she too young for me to even be worrying about this?

If she's noticing it, then she's not too young for you to want to support her with it. Have you tried inviting some of the children in her class for a playdate or to meet up at the park/softplay/etc.? That might help her develop the relationships a bit more, and would give you a chance to see how she plays with others. If she's mostly only had the one intense friendship, she might need a bit more practice at the give and take of playing with others, or with the dynamics of a small group rather than a pair. Do you have any sense of what the dynamic was like with that one child? Was one of them the clear leader?

You could possibly speak to the teacher again and ask if he/she could support DD in developing some closer friendship, perhaps put her with likely children if they're working in pairs, things like that. They should really notice if she's being turned away by every group, but if she outwardly seems unbothered by it and just moves on, they might not. Alternatively, sometimes a child can say the group 'didn't want them to play', and what it actually means is that the group didn't want to play what that child did, or they disagreed about the way the game would go, which is a somewhat different problem.

@skkyelark

Thank you so much for the reply, it's really helpful.

Well interestingly the former intense friendship was with a little girl that had quite a severe speech delay. I watched them play a lot and the power dynamic between them was pretty equal but I think maybe my DD found her less intimidating to strike up a friendship with. I've noticed when we go to play centres etc she will often befriend children who are younger than her, she doesn't boss them around, again I think she just finds it easier than children her own age.

I think I will have another chat to her teacher as you suggested.

I know a few girls in her class all go to a dance class so I'm going to try and get her in there too, as long as she is interested in going.

Play dates would be my first suggestion? If there’s a mum of a little girl in her class you know maybe suggest they both come?

Also potentially she could make friendship bracelets to give to some of the other girls? Hobbycraft have loads of beads and you can pick your own for fairly cheap that was she can pick her spooky colours and the other little girls are happy they get a friendship braclet.